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by harddrivereque 404 days ago
I know it is a controversial topic, but do adults really need friends? I feel like "being friends" is something from middle school where our brains were different. Now, there are colleagues, there are neighbors, there is the partner that is supposedly our only and best friend, and optionally there are pets/kids. But proper friends? In my life and in the life of people that I observe regularly, there is no real need for friends.
10 comments

> do adults really need friends?

There's substantial evidence that it makes people live happier, longer and healthier lives, eg [0].

[0] https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/healthy-aging/a-surprising-ke...

My roommate has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

The first thing we look for when his mental health starts to go is social interaction. As soon as he starts to get antisocial we know his mental health is tanking.

Humans need social interaction. Happiness is a muscle and it's best strengthened with other people. Seeing people at all improves mental health.

Humans are social creatures whether people want to believe it or not.

Being isolated and alone will make almost anyone unhappy and unwell, whether that person will admit it or not.

If your partner is your best and only friend, not only are you putting far too much weight on one person to manage your emotional well-being, but you’ll be SOL if/when they leave, die, or become incapacitated.

Women, who tend to maintain more social connections, will often thrive without a partner in their old age. Men will often just kind of wither away.

Where do you turn for a variety of opinions, activities, and social interactions over the long term? There is incredible value in growing alongside people over a period of time and acting as a mutual support network
"need", as in can't do without, no. People survive without friends.

It's a miserable life though; for one, not everyone even has a romantic partner, and even for those who do, being 100% dependent on one person is incredibly toxic.

So yea, while being friendless might not kill you, realistically, adults need friends.

> In my life and in the life of people that I observe regularly, there is no real need for friends.

My condolences. I hope one day you find people that you can actually connect with and care about each other.

Most adults, I've observed, don't even particularly like their partner.

I think we just become so comfortable and okay with not being happy that we can't identify we're not happy. Everything becomes a routine, everything is automatic. We maintain systems that ultimately don't benefit us because we're terrified of what would happen otherwise.

He's just using a weight for another round of marketing. If someone needs friends, they probably find some.
We do but in this hypercompetitive landscape. Our friends are also competitors for partners, jobs, and resources.

Which means you can't let non family members too close.

That is black and white thinking and far too bleak to match reality. If you find, brushing away any internal compulsions towards seeing things as utterly bleak, that this has truth to it, the next step is finding new friends.
No, it's the opposite, actually. Friends don't compete, they cooperate. Turning cooperation into competition is how you execute a divide and conquer strategy. If a group is too strong, you convince them that they are each other's true enemy; once they're at each other, you swoop in.

Most "competition" in our modern world is artificial. Try figuring out who benefits from it and where this mentality originates. You'll find that those two tend to overlap :)

peak cynicism
working in silicon valley and the new york dc corridor does that I guess.
> but do adults really need friends?

I mean, in the strictest sense no, in that you're unlikely to die if you don't have any. But most people would consider having friends fairly essential to a happy life.

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