[kif]

I’m not a parent myself, but something I’ve seen happen with an American family I know, is that they push their kids way too much to learn and do as many things as possible. They have their music lessons, their many clubs at school, several physical activities such as soccer, tennis, taekwondo. At some point you have to stop and wonder whether you’re taking their childhood away.

These kids barely have any free time. School during weekdays, activities during the weekend… worse than a full time job.

I think there’s a balance to be struck. Your kids don’t need to be good at everything.

[hkpack]

Every parent is fighting an uphill battle against the technology now.

You either structure the day in such a way that there is literally no time for anything outside of activities, or you just observe the kid gets sucked into the screens with less and less will to do anything else.

[margalabargala]

That is a false dichotomy.

If not at a club/activity, why does the child have unrestricted access to screens?

[hkpack]

Have you personally tried to keep a teen away from a screen? If you did with a success, I would really like to hear your story and what has worked for you.

Looking at my kids friends / classmates, almost all of the parents just gave up, with the exception of a small group that is still trying with the discussed approach.

[margalabargala]

"Keeping teens away from screens"? And why are there screens?

Sugar is addictive. One would not necessarily expect a teen to healthily control their sugar intake; accordingly, we don't put bowls of candy around the house, and if we did we certainly wouldn't be shocked when they emptied themselves, and then thrown up our hands and said "can't keep kids from candy, what can you do?".

Our kids aren't teens yet, but the plan is for screen time to be whitelisted, that is, there are certain times and circumstances where screens are okay and the rest of the time they are not.

EDIT: To elaborate on parenting philosophy a bit, one can provide structure (good) without being authoritarian (bad). Rather than bouncing between "you have all the options available, including screens, hope you make a good choice!" and "you are doing this specific activity now", one can provide unstructured time with lots of options available- reading, board game, doing something outdoors, creating a craft, etc- while having none of those options be screens.

[elteto]

There are screens because their entire social circle has phones, sometimes from an early age. If your kids don’t have them then they are the odd ones out, and excluded socially, which has their own extremely negative consequences.

[margalabargala]

And if the parent cannot find a single way to prevent the constant use of the screens beyond simply packing the day with activities, that says more about the parent than the kid.

If the only way a teenager knows how to make good choices is through outright avoidance of situations where a poor choice might arise, then they don't know how to make good choices.

[SoftTalker]

Good luck with that. Please report back on how it goes.

[margalabargala]

Happy to, how would you like me to contact you? I don't think HN allows replies after threads have been multiple years dead...

[tstrimple]

Went fine. Quite happy with how my children are turning out. We don't even limit screen time anymore. They seem to have developed healthy habits and boundaries.

[blitzar]

> At some point you have to stop and wonder whether you’re taking their childhood away.

At some point you have to stop and wonder if a great childhood is doing - music lessons, many clubs at school, several physical activities such as soccer, tennis, taekwondo etc.

They are occupied, they are trying new things, learning new skills, running around outside, interacting with their peers.

[electriclove]

Definitely agree though the alternative can quickly become all day spent on TikTok or YouTube shorts.

[A4ET8a8uTh0_v2]

This. I have several people with kids similar age as mine in my circle, who seemingly gave up and now its all phone, pad or tv at all times. It is very easy to lose that kid to other distractions unless you provide enough of a structure for them.