[jvanderbot]

Kids do not understand the concept of "importance". At least no kid I've met. That part of their brain doesn't work. They'll trade effort for privileges or toys tho, and are little mimicry machines so they follow you if you use it.

[jerkstate]

yeah, I recoiled when the author of the post says "no bribing" - bribery is one of the most useful tools a parent has. I guess you could call it "incentive" or something, but really, it's quid pro quo.

[jvanderbot]

Honestly it's so close to how the world works I can't believe 1. Avoiding loss of privilege and 2. Gaining new things as reward isn't the top two parenting tips.

But probably zeroth, most important, is modelling good behavior. Kids are mirrors.

[kaashif]

You can definitely make things better or worse for kids by choosing the rewards you give them.

My parents would reward me by letting me pick out a book at the book store. I'd be excited the whole week.

I may feel differently about reading it I had been forced to read and rewarded with something else, like junk food.

[jvanderbot]

We are torn but decided to keep books scarce, and scold them a little bit when they sneak books into bed. We know but they are much more likely to get their rebellion out reading now. Which I love.

[jerkstate]

We went the other way and have plentiful books, constant library trips etc. but have had to regulate sleep by setting a regular lights out time. Executive function and mood really suffers when sleep is insufficient.

I appreciate the idea of harnessing rebellion and I'll think more on how to apply that to my parenting :)