[noduerme]

This is such a well-written response. There's something intentionally soothing about this post that slowly turns into a jarring form of self-congratulation as it goes along. Congratulations for knowing there's a limit to wrecking your parents' property. Congratulations for being able to appreciate the sand on the beach, in some no doubt instagrammable moment of existential simplicity. Congratulations for being so smart that you could have blown up your hand. And for "Leetcoding", whatever the fuck that means. And for claiming you quit a shady job because you got bored (but possibly also grew a conscience). And then topped off by the final turn: "This is, of course, about artificial intelligence development". I'd only add one thing to your analysis: We've got a demo right here of a psyche that would prefer love to money (but mostly both), and it's still determined to foist bad things onto the world in a load-bearing way, as a bid for either, or whatever it can get. My parents used to call that "a kid that doesn't care if he gets good or bad attention, as long as he gets attention." I think that's the root driver for almost all the tech billionaires of the past 20 years, and the one thing that unites Bezos, Zuck, Jobs, Dorsey, Musk... it's: "Look dad, I didn't just take your money. I'm so smart I could'a blown off my hand with all those fireworks you bought me, but see? Two hands! Look how much money I made from your money! Why aren't you proud of me?! Where can I find love? Maybe if I tell people what a leetcoder I am and how I could be making BAD AI but I'm just making GOOD AI, then everyone will love me."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not immune to these feelings either. I want to do good work and I want people to love what I do. But there's something so... so fucking nakedly exhibitionist and narcissistic about these kinds of posts. Like, so, GO FUCKING LAY WITH CLAMS, write a novel, the world is waiting for it if you're really a genius. Have the courage to say you have a conscience if you actually do. Leave the rest of us alone and stop polluting a world you don't understand with your childish greed and self-obsession.

[bombcar]

I’ve often wondered how, with billions of dollars, do you know someone actually loves you and not your money?

Complicated!

[noduerme]

I've got a particularly strong view on this, because I've got a brother who tried to get wildly rich in some seriously unethical ways to impress our father, and still never got a single word of praise from him. And who's miserable and unloved and been betrayed by the women he married... who married him for his money. He's so desperate for someone to come admire his cars and his TVs, to just come hang out with him. He pays for friends.

Me, I don't have billions of dollars, but I might be in the top 10% or something. And I just cringe when I see guys use their money and status or job title, or connections, or cars or shoes or... anything they have as opposed to who they are as a way to impress people. (Women, usually). I understand this is what they think they have to do. Like, I understand that's how primates function, and you're just doing what apes do, but do they seriously think they'll ever be able to trust anyone who pretends to like them after that person thinks they're rich?

Maybe I'm just lucky I got to watch it up close when I was a teenager. Lol. My brother's first wife, at his wedding, got up and gave a speech... she said, "my friends all said he was too short, but I told them he was taller when he was standing on his wallet". Some people laughed. I didn't. After fifteen years of screaming at each other and drug abuse, she committed suicide and he got with the next secretary who hated him but wanted his money. Oh well.

My answer has always been to appear to be poor as fuck until I know what drives someone. When I meet a girl, I'll open doors and always buy dinner... at a $2 taco joint. And make sure she offers to buy the next round of drinks. I'll play piano in a random bar, and make her sing along. I'll order her the cheapest beer. I'll show her a painting I made and tell her I can't make any money selling 'em, is why I'm broke. If anyone asks me what I do, I don't say SWE or CTO, I say I'm a writer or a musician between things. And I'll do this for months until I get to know a person. Yeah, it's a test. The girls I've had relationships with, the girl I'm with right now, passed it. She doesn't even want to know. She says, whatever you got, I could've been with someone richer than you but I didn't want that life, so play piano for me. I'm not saying I've got the key to happiness, or humility, and maybe I'm a total asshole too, but... at least I'm not an asshole who's so hollow they have to crow about their job or their money to find "love" from people who - let's say this - can not, and will not ever love them.

[bombcar]

One of the things I’ve heard, and found to be true, is that if you don’t love yourself it’s going to be terribly hard for others to love you

[munificent]

It tickles me that this quote came from a YA novel of all places, but in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Chbosky writes "We accept the love we think we deserve".

If that isn't one of the deepest aphorisms on psychology out there, I don't know what is.

[ryandrake]

> she said, "my friends all said he was too short, but I told them he was taller when he was standing on his wallet". Some people laughed. I didn't.

Hey, as long as they are both up front and clear about what they are getting out of their relationship. They're grown adults after all. I knew someone who proudly would admit he was a "sugar daddy" and both he and his "girlfriends" would fully agree that their relationships were transactional and contingent on the money flow. I knew someone in college who was very open and unapologetic that her plan was to find and marry someone rich. There's no right and wrong.

[cafard]

During most of my single days, I didn't have to pretend to be poor as fuck. On the other hand, I didn't really need to impress my father.

[selimthegrim]

This man understands why I do what I do. Nobody passed the test so far though. Previous classmates of mine just heckled me and ran and hid when I saw them.

[chipsrafferty]

> But there's something so... so fucking nakedly exhibitionist and narcissistic about these kinds of posts.

You've precisely defined why nobody takes LessWrong seriously.