[DiggyJohnson]

Completely agree. In various volunteering capacities (think STEM fairs, youth baseball umpiring, etc) I end up working with 8-12 year olds a lot and I seem to be better at this than a lot of my counterparts. You nailed it.

The secret is to treat the kid like an adult until they demonstrate a reason(s) not to. A GF one time asked me why I talked to her nephew “like that?” and I was so confused. She said “you talk to him the same way you talk to me” (ie. the way I talk to anyone). Nephew and I were shooting free throws in the driveway. We get along great. This was very rambly but I think about it all the time.

I’ve gotten the brattiest kids to calm down and accept the situation in meltdowns in youth baseball with the same approach.

I’m not claiming this always works. Many times the situation or kid themselves demonstrates they must be treated like a kid. That’s fine too.

[tmpz22]

I have very similar lived experiences to yours and would extend the age range well into the teenage years (and even sometimes beyond) due to the fact that many young adults are still very sheltered and suffer from the same environments and mindsets established 8 - 12.

Some warning signs are medical illnesses where a young adult is being sheltered as if they are still in a crisis state of that illness, even though they've grown well beyond it and may benefit from being treating like any normal individual.

[dgfitz]

I have the same knack with kids, I’ve had it forever. “Oh you’re going to be such a good parent” was something I heard constantly.

It’s different when one’s own kids, and it takes extra patience to have the same skill set as you do with “stranger” kids. Without getting into it too much, being in a position of “authority” with a “stranger” kid changes the dynamic as compared to one’s own kids.

I dunno if that makes sense, but I’ve found it to be true for me.

I also seemed to have figured it out with my own kids, it just takes more work and more patience.

[ty6853]

Kids generally are nicer and more well behaved to people other than their parents. It's masking, their parent may feed and love them no matter what but a stranger has little obligation and could do God knows what. It also just takes energy to mask so they may have to take it out of their parents instead later, when they run out of that masking energy.

A normal life preservation strategy is to be more neutral around people you know less, which seems baked into human instinct.

[DiggyJohnson]

That definitely makes sense. Appreciate the point.