[eitally]

Snap is the default chat app in high schools in the US. The second is Instagram. The third is a fallback to SMS / iMessage. I personally have never seen a teen using a third party chat app (like Whatsapp/Telegram/Signal/etc).

(I have 14 & 16 year olds, neither of whom have social media. It really is unpleasant for them sometimes, trying to keep up with JIT event logistics carried out on Snap.)

[mmasu]

I have a question for you - is it their choice not to have social media, or yours? Neither is bad - I’m father to a young girl (not school age yet) and am starting to think about how I should approach this as a parent

[walledstance]

I’m interested in this answer as well, since I have a little who isn’t school aged either. I’m trying to compile perspectives to make this same decision.

[eitally]

I replied to the other poster about this, but I absolutely do not think kids inherently understand the risks inherent in social media. As one stupid example, earlier this school year we had to talk with the parents of another XC team member who posted a team photo to the team instagram with thumbs downs covering the faces of our son and another athlete. If that sort of thing was private, fine. I don't particularly care about the vapid beefs between teens (although we did get the details and, knowing the other kid, I side firmly with my son), but the other athlete posted it publicly, with no context, and on an account that looks like it's run by the school.

That's just a silly example that doesn't even get into the posting of risky behaviors, using inappropriate language, bullying or whatever else. I do not believe kids grok all this innately and it's important for parents (and teachers and coaches and other adult influences in their lives) to educate them.

We also spot check our kids' phones periodically. Not because we don't trust them, but because it's important to know sometimes whether there are issues afoot that we aren't privy to and could help with. (Disappearing messages is another parental challenge with Snap.). This might sound overbearing and intrusive, but I don't believe it is. Our 16yo has mostly graduated from us feeling a need to check his comms, but we still monitor our 14yo a couple times a week because she's less forthcoming about goings on in her friend group.

Fwiw, it's not like we don't trust our kids to make good decisions themselves. We have added both as authorized users to one of our credit cards, which they have access to via Google Wallet. In all things like this, clear communications and expectation setting between parents & children is the most important, no matter what you decide -- or whether your decisions change over time (or are dependent on the child's own behavior/decisions).

[HarHarVeryFunny]

I have a 16yr old (girl), and our decision was essentially to "go with the flow" - give her a phone at same age as bulk of her peers were getting one, and not to put blocks on anything. So far so good. The rationale is that the current social media environment is the world they are growing up with, so better get used to it. Kids are generally quite tech savvy and share information with each other, and understand the need for online privacy - when to share only with friends, etc.

It'd be very limiting not to allow your child to have access to things like Snapchat when all their peers have it and are using it to communicate on a daily basis.

[mmasu]

thanks for your perspective on this!

[eitally]

Apologies for the delayed reply. It's our choice, not theirs. My daughter (14) doesn't really care either way, but my son was mildly perturbed when we took Snapchat away. Not because he regularly post snaps, but because it's the way his peer group coordinates. It's roughly this hierarchy: Snap --> Insta --> iMessage/SMS --> grab bag of other chat apps.

My daughter (8th grade) and her friend group seem to be fine using group chats for comms, and although a lot of her friends do have Instagram & Tiktok (not so much Snap in middle school), she hasn't expressed interest.

That said, we are ok with them to have Instagram accounts specifically for athletics purposes. My son is a 4:20 miler as a sophomore and my daughter plays for a top regional club soccer team. Both have aspirations to compete collegiately. It's valuable these days to cultivate a social presence, just like it can be valuable for working professionals to maintain a LinkedIn profile. But they are clear -- and we are clear with them -- that these social accounts are for "business" purposes, not for socialization, and they understand. We've been beating the drum about the risks of social media for years and they see inappropriate and out of control use by some of their peers, so I generally feel pretty comfortable.

The biggest hazard with Snapchat as the comms channel for high schoolers is that it creates an almost constant string of intrusive push notifications, especially if your network is sufficiently large (like an entire high school class year). For easily distractible kids it can be insufferable.