[JohnFen]

> I don't think 1:1s are necessarily about performance evaluations -- if you think they are, I hope you can learn to think of them differently

I don't think this. When I said it become "performative", I didn't mean that in terms of my work performance, I mean it in terms of having to perform well enough in the 1:1 so they don't leave a bad impression in my manager's mind.

I understand what you're saying here, and I'm certainly not of the mind that 1:1s are bad for everybody in every circumstance. I have just never been able to find any value in them myself. 1:1s are not a great forum for all people.

> Even things as simple as getting to know your manager and finding out you have things in common will help.

We do that, though, in less formalized interactions. Small talk before meetings, that sort of thing. Meaningful human interaction comes from normal social interaction, not from formal, scheduled meetings.

[Jemaclus]

Re: "performance", I was responding to this sentence

> I have to perform in it well enough that my manager won't be left thinking as you do in the quote.

although I admit I may have just misinterpreted this. A good manager expects honesty, not a performance. Have you spoken with your manager about what they expect from these 1:1s? Like OOP, you could just ask. Maybe you've done that.

Look, I hear you. I know exactly what you're saying. My stance is that if you rely on ad-hoc meetings, you can't reliably get these interactions. A regularly scheduled cadence provides peace of mind for everyone.

But also, that doesn't work for everyone. I've had some managers where 1:1s were not regularly scheduled, but kind of random. The key that i want to get across is that we can't just stop having these conversations, scheduled or not.

I think we can agree on that part?

[JohnFen]

Oh, sure!

I'm not saying that you're wrong, by the way (and I don't think we disagree on the fundamentals you're talking about). I'm just expressing what it is about the 1:1 format specifically that makes me dislike them.

For perspective, I have a weekly meeting with my manager where we touch base to discuss team direction and whatnot (I'm the lead of my team). That's not in a 1:1 format at all and isn't about me, my professional development, any of that.

However, those meetings result in most of the benefits that you're talking about nonetheless and work for me precisely because they're not about me.

My point is that the 1:1 format itself is not one that works well for everyone. If you're the sort of personality that doesn't mesh with the whole 1:1 thing, then 1:1s are just things you have to do because the company requires them.

You could argue that our weekly meetings are, in fact, 1:1s in disguise. I wouldn't say that you're wrong, even though the focus is a bit different. But they are very useful to me because of that, where I find it extremely difficult to find value in actual 1:1s.