[noodlesUK]

It sounds like the job is only one part of the crisis you're facing. I echo the other commenters in suggesting professional help - depending on the country you're in this could be free or provided by your health insurance.

The weekend is almost here - try to make a plan with a friend (even if you haven't seen them in years), or go do something you enjoy like going to the beach or a local park. It won't fix things, but it can be a brief respite from the grind.

In terms of the job, I would keep going but start phoning it in. "Quiet quitting" is a real thing, and it will give you the space to look for a new job. If it's super intolerable, see if you can reduce your expenses significantly and just GTFO. I don't know if you have alimony, if so that might be harder. Reach out to your friends (even distant ones) and professional network - that's where all the good jobs are.

[dirtybirdnj]

> Reach out to your friends (even distant ones) and professional network - that's where all the good jobs are.

This is the part of the social / career collapse that is the most painful and probably largest roadblock I have. Once you lose connections it's really hard to find new ones when you are seen as "why don't you have any OTHER friends?"

I don't know how to tell people that I have nobody else without sounding pathetic. Nobody wants to get my loser failure filth on them, they are all afraid they will be associated with me and nobody wants that. It's why my wife left me.

[noodlesUK]

I totally get it - I haven't made many friends since covid.

> Nobody wants to get my loser failure filth on them, they are all afraid they will be associated with me and nobody wants that. It's why my wife left me.

This kind of language does not help. If you talk about yourself this way, even hyperbolically, you will feel this way about yourself.

> I don't know how to tell people that I have nobody else without sounding pathetic.

You don't need to - perhaps you have friends from university (if you went) or school. If you don't have any friends or colleagues that you have even a passing acquaintance with, you could try meetup (especially in the US, it's a good platform). Just go see some people. If you're worried about sounding pathetic, it might be easier to do a group activity, so you're less likely to get into a deep emotional conversation. If you can't find a group activity, find a local charity that's doing a litter pick or something similar. You could also sign up for a class of some kind at a local community college or arts centre. I hear pottery can be very therapeutic.

EDIT: I've read some of your other comments about how hard it is to build meaningful friendships. It is hard. It can shake your sense of belonging to the core when you discover that people you thought were going to be friends for life end up not being around anymore.

However, not all friendships need to have a deep meaningful connection. It can be nice to just see people on a semi-frequent basis to do an activity together. It's certainly a good start.

[dirtybirdnj]

I'm building some really good new friends, but I don't get to see them often due to distance.

I am also kind of fearful of leaning on people too much.

Getting to see more people regularly has helped with the deep meaningful vs casual acquaintance thing. Right now it's a battle of attrition to have enough opportunities that some more significant opportunities can happen organically.

The harder I try to force it the less progress I make. It's very difficult to deal with even being able to observe it. A perverse target fixation.