[kelseyfrog]

It's easier than ever to make friends. When you switch from a demand mindset to a supply mindset, the opportunities present themselves.

Think of it this way, all those lonely people out there are just waiting for someone to reach out and do something with? It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

I'm able to get out on average 10hrs/week just socializing without much effort by just putting myself out there and making events happen when and how I want them. If there's no existing group that interests you, chances are that if you make what you want, other people will be interested too.

[mamidon]

100% I've had great success inviting people to dinner parties and such. This works great for people I already know.

I've tried hosting public groups, with partial success. Have you got any ideas there?

I've tried posting events on local Facebook groups, mostly. But my experience is that very few people are actually active online and willing to physically do something.

[kelseyfrog]

Success really depends on the pool you're drawing from. A public open invite on FB is one of the hardest approaches. Kudos to the people who can pull it off.

The easiest for me was using my city's discord server as a launch pad for running book clubs, coffee meetups, and hikes. After a few successes, it's easy to gain a reputation for making things happen and it sort of snowballs from there.

[rightbyte]

It is also important to not become bitter when you fail. Starting up community activities is hard. It is somewhat like seeding servers in classic multiplayer games like CS1.6.

[rightbyte]

> I've tried hosting public groups, with partial success. Have you got any ideas there?

It is way easier if you give away free food. Like, it could be coffee or donuts. It just have to be some token value, such that people don't feel that they only go there for the nominal reason if the event sucks.

When my local party has like booths talking with voters we have like cookies and coffee such that there is an indirect reason to stand there talking to us. Some sort of plausible denialability.

Also, there is the automatic social aspect of food.

[araes]

In areas where the website is still viable, I've found that Meetup is a reasonable way to socialize and find recreational events with limited pressure in a public location.

For example, I enjoy board gaming, and used to use Meetup in the South because I found it difficult to make friends being an outsider in the South. Meetup was relatively helpful for going to a restaurant, just sitting down, having meal, and playing board games for several hours. And several of those then turned into roleplaying groups, social groups, and similar external to the Meetup.

On a quick search, most major cities seem to have board gaming groups:

Seattle: https://www.meetup.com/gearhouse-events/events/306262711/?re...

Los Angeles: https://www.meetup.com/los-angeles-werewolf-meetup-group/eve...

New York: https://www.meetup.com/new-york-games-nights-meetup-group/ev...

Atlanta: https://www.meetup.com/agguild/events/306018016/?recId=cd815...

Philadelphia: https://www.meetup.com/montco-board-games/events/304398746/?...

Chicago: https://www.meetup.com/chicagogames/events/306090271/?recId=...

Fort Worth: https://www.meetup.com/fort-worth-board-game-club/events/304...

Minneapolis / Saint Paul: https://www.meetup.com/saintpaulgamegroup/events/306244052/?...

Denver: https://www.meetup.com/meetupdenvermplusz/events/306229426/?...

Most are relatively free of cost, supported by businesses that have an interest in regular attendees visiting the stores and buying a few small products each time they attend (meal, drinks, snacks, ect...) A couple are gaming stores that ask for a small rental fee or offer free table space if you want to bring your own games.

[david38]

It’s not because friendships are largely made from shared suffering.

In a time of further independence, over choice, and tech to hold onto previous friends, making friends who actually will physically meet up with you frequently is definitely harder.

[johnnyanmac]

I wouldn't put it in the same league as dating, but it still has that element where effort doesn't correlate with success, or at least you personally perceive it as so. You can try to schedule plenty of get together and still feel like loose colleagues. Or sometimes you randomly invite someone at the 11th hour and now you're best friends who meet every week. That can be a bit frustrating for someone perhaps someonhwre on the neuro divergent spectrum.

But in a way, yes. Shared moments of triumph or suffering can accelerate that process. Those aren't necessarily moments you can always replicate, though.