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by crazygringo 479 days ago
> Plenty of examples of people getting what they thought they wanted and still feeling unfulfilled.

Right, I think that's what might be striking a chord.

Modern psychotherapy would tell you that you'd picked something thinking it would solve problems that it never would. A classic example is that if you achieved a certain career objective or measure of success, you would feel loved and approved of and worthy. And then when you achieve it, you don't.

The answer is absolutely not to pick a goal you can't achieve. That's completely wrong.

The answer is to understand that career or professional success will not make you feel loved. That if you feel like you have an unmet need for love and approval, you need psychotherapy to understand where that is coming from in terms of your childhood, current relationships, etc.

And then you can reframe your professional or career goals as something else entirely. And when you reach one, you can feel proud and then set another one. You won't have a feeling of emptiness or unfulfillment, because you'd never set unrealistic expectations for what that achievement would provide.

1 comments

It’s possible these are both right. You should pick achievable goals which will actually make you happy, and you should pick impossible goals that you will always enjoy working towards.
The problem with impossible goals is that there's no feedback if you're actually making progress.

Far better to identify achievable goals that have a timespan of a few years max, and with milestones at least every few months to know you're on the right track.

Impossible goals are ultimately a nonsensical proposition. And if you have an activity you enjoy, you just do that activity. Like crossword puzzles. They don't have a goal.

bingo, this was my thought as well. One perspective works well for the micro, and the other for the macro.