[eckesicle]

My wife died suddenly when my son was two years old. He’s almost seven now.

So far, he’s completely fine without her. He claims he has memories of her, but I think he just remembers photos and videos that we’ve watched together. I don’t think he knows what he’s missing.

[dottjt]

Do you think it's important for your child to have a relationship his mother, if that makes any sense at all? Like do you celebrate her birthday etc.

How do you retain that connection, or do you just leave it in the past?

[eckesicle]

To your first question, I don’t know. We do celebrate her birthday, light a candle whenever we walk past a church / go into a temple etc. If I’m brutally honest I think it’s more for my own sake than his.

To retain the connection, we look at photos together every week and I tell him stories about her, and their relationship.

I spoke to him just now, and he says that he misses her but is unable to articulate how. Perhaps these ceremonies will grow more important over time, and as he grows older perhaps he will appreciate that we took the time to celebrate her.

I have an adult friend, who lost his mother at a young age too. He tells me that he only really started to miss her once he got older, around 12, and as an adult. He doesn’t remember who she was or why, but he misses the idea of having had family dinners at home every day etc. The dynamic in a household is very different when there is one adult and one child at home, versus two adults to a child.

[dottjt]

Did you decide to date again? Do you think having a mother figure for your child is important for them?

[eckesicle]

Yes, but not for the reason that I want a mother figure in the house. Only recently, have I been able to date without comparing any new prospective partners to my late wife. I have yet to meet the right person.

It’s also a very big ask of a new partner for them to step in and fulfil the role of mother to your child.

[dottjt]

Fair enough. I feel it's not uncommon for people with children to remarry, but yeah I imagine it has it's own challenges.

I feel like for me it would be a) Wanting someone I have a deep connection with and b) Someone who's interested in children. I feel that keeps it simple.

But yeah, I just think about how much I wouldn't be able to provide my daughter as a male, given I know so little about hair, make up etc. I mean, I'd obviously learn it all, but it would be easier to have someone who was already on that page.