[qazxcvbnm]

Yes, I have mainly put awkward usages in the latter section, which will hopefully be useful to the author. If you compare the paragraphs, the outright grammatical problems I simply fixed. The author’s language is definitely comprehensible to a patient listener, but it can be much better still.

[fearedbliss]

Thank you for the corrections, I definitely agree that while I've learned a lot of Cantonese in the past 11 years, I still have a long way to go and loving the process. Given that Cantonese is my third language (I've studied a bunch of other languages, but Cantonese is third language I'm actually specializing in for personal reasons), it makes sense that it sounds unnatural, at least for now. For a portion of it I do agree with the other commenter that it is a stylistic choice. The % part is just me using what's already popular in Cantonese speaking which is to use the "pou-cent" type of style rather than the more traditional way. You are right regarding 學院, my school advertises itself in this way hence my usage of it ;D. But overall, you got what I was trying to say which is the most important part of the process, I'll continue to improve over time :).