[steve_adams_86]

In my 20s and early 30s I was extremely fit, and I loved exercising. I was compassionate, but didn't really get why overweight people refused to exercise. I thought, man, they just need to give it a chance.

One day I got pneumonia, and it was a pretty severe case. It damaged my lungs and even my nerves in my neck, making it hard to lift my arms for weeks. I couldn't run 1km let alone 30km (which previously would have been a nice Sunday for me), and I couldn't even comfortably stretch or warm up.

No big deal I thought, I'll bounce back.

The funny thing is, when exercise actually feels awful, it's way harder. I didn't bounce back. On top of that, I developed depression. Not like... I was a little sad that I couldn't exercise. More like I was using exercise to help keep something pretty awful at bay, and with no defences against that and my health declining, it got reeeally bad.

I then went on to gain a LOT of weight. I went from a muscular, lean 180lb at 5'10" to a less lean and more fat 225lb. I tried to manage it, tried to exercise, eat less, all of it.

Something had changed, though. A threshold was crossed. My momentum was suddenly frozen by sickness, and then barely thawed at all over the following months. Everything I was previously escaping was then easily able to overtake me. The urge to eat more? Easy to give in to, now. The urge to sleep longer? Yes please. That voice in my head telling me today's not a great day to exercise? No longer a whisper but a relentless droning until I gave up the idea. Then it's replaced with compounding shame.

It gradually dawned on me that my previous fitness, while great and all, was not afforded to me by my own virtues as opposed to the lack of virtues among my overweight friends. It was far more circumstantial than I realized. Once I got that ball rolling (which I'd accomplished through fixation and ignoring all kinds of other important stuff in my life, for what it's worth) it was relatively easy to keep it going. Once it had stopped, I was just like them. Often even worse.

I no longer expect people to put the fork down, or just get up and go for a run. Is it necessary? Yes, 100%. There's no other solution. Is it easy? Evidently not at all, no.

I've come to realize it's largely about support networks, too. We are often ashamed, self-isoalting, and left to our own devices. We have no one giving us tough love on a regular basis, motivating us, helping us to get that ball rolling, supporting us through our shame. We are often so isolated in that suffering.

So that's my novel about being a smug fit person who got a little fat and realized he was a self-involved jerk. Now I understand the problem a bit better. It's hard. Very easy to criticize, very hard to support and solve.

If you have an overweight loved one, part of their solution might be in you. People are not islands.

[pizzadog]

This comment is super relatable. Thanks for sharing your story. I had a similar issue with pneumonia changing me from a gymrat grinding out PRs to someone forcing myself under the bar 3 times a week at best. It makes sense obviously in retrospect but your lung capacity is something everyone absolutely takes for granted. Those first few sessions back in the gym trying to deadlift and then running to the bathroom feeling the urge to puke because I was so winded were terrifying. It definitely humbles you and even if you have the empathy beforehand it really underlines how important it is to remember that people are living completely different lives.

As an aside, did you find anything that was effective for bringing you back to that old level of performance? I've been swallowing the bitter pill that is an enforced cardio regime but man it is really, really not fun to brush up against that bad feeling in your lungs. Speaking of empathy, it's starting to make me understand why people get so obsessed with following snake oil health trends - I've been experimenting with pretty much everything under the sun out of desperation for this one.

[steve_adams_86]

> As an aside, did you find anything that was effective for bringing you back to that old level of performance?

Not really. I'm 38 now and I haven't made it back to previous levels of fitness, and I suspect I might not in some ways. Recovery was way faster than I expected once I gave it a chance, though. And it is despite not being as disciplined as I should be. It made me realize building fitness while you're young is huge; it lets you build it back a lot easier the second time around. Even so, I eventually kind of hit a wall where getting back has been a lot slower. I rapidly recovered maybe half-way, then it was back on a slower track. My deadlift feels frozen.

I have some thoughts about this, though. I'm starting to think attaining that level was never the point. While I was grinding out PRs, the primary side effect of that journey was a dramatically improved quality of life which I wasn't fully aware of until I lost it... And I could have had that same quality of life (minus the odd injury, too) without pushing nearly so hard or getting so far. Realizing that, I let myself worry less about numbers or how I compare to others and focus more on how something will tangibly benefit me. Lifting more will offer very limited tangible benefits according to my experience (lifting couches easily is nice and all, but rarely useful, and they can only get so easy to carry...)

Really it's about losing the ego for me. There were days I should have been climbing stairs at the park like my elderly neighbour, but I felt sorry for myself, embarrassed at my ability, and did nothing instead. Fit in the exercise and movements you can manage, not the ones you believe you should be able to do. Not pushing your limits in a specific way doesn't equate to never progressing or taking care of yourself. In fact, so much of this is psychological, I'd posit that humility will ultimately lead to improving your fitness simply because your ego won't hold you back so often. It's practically inevitable that we'll experience setbacks; what matters is how we respond to them, not how much we can lift the day after.

The worst thing to do is nothing at all. I must have lost 20lb of muscle and gained ~60lb of fat. Muscle is coming back, but the fat is stubborn.

Where I am recently vs where I left off (1RM):

Deadlift 402.5 --> 360 (was exciting to put 8 plates on again!)

Squat 320 --> 265

Bench 245 --> 210

Run (best distance) 43km --> 12.3km (could improve, but don't really focus on it anymore)

Run (best pace for 10k) 4:17/km --> 5:42/km

Maybe something like 75% of the way back? Worse if you factor in sane baselines rather than assuming starting from 0. When I started trying again, these numbers were abysmal. My running pace was close to 7:00/km and it hurt like hell. My deadlift was under 200 on a 5x5 program, vs ~310 today.

Also... Maybe it was nerve damage, but any overhead exercise is trash and not recovering. I used to clean well over my bodyweight and it was an exercise I really loved. These days I struggle to throw 130lb over my head, and I went from pull ups doing ~20 reps with 45lb strapped to me to struggling to pull off 10 reps with no weight.