[lazide]

Personally, I’ve also seen those emotional support networks used to destroy and manipulate women within them by other women within them.

And to target the men ‘attached’ through the women within those networks.

Under the guise of emotional support.

[kelseyfrog]

Setting healthy boundaries is usually the antidote to manipulation and sometimes that entails no longer engaging with that person or group.

I'm curious to hear more about your story. It sounds full of valuable lessons.

[lazide]

The challenge I’ve seen, is women’s groups tend to not have/allow boundaries. At least in a ‘you can’t say no’ type of way. Lying/hiding stuff is of course pervasive, as a defense. It’s a really common pattern. ‘Mean girls’, ‘gossip group’, etc.

In many, it’s typical to discuss everything from the sex habits of them and their partners (in excruciating detail), their own and others affairs, to every embarrassing detail of their kids lives. It often seems to be a competition to see who can get the most exciting ‘tea’ out of each other.

In my experience, having indirectly seen/overheard many of these discussions, most men would be horrified if they knew what was really going on.

It happens in some men’s groups, but is much, much rarer.

As for my story - I’ve seen quite a few.

Office politics where a senior woman leader was essentially running a ‘sex for leverage’ campaign against all the men (and a couple women) in the group, using the women in the group as ‘bait’.

A church where the pastor got convicted of child molestation, but where the community insisted he be forgiven (after getting out), and he was indeed reinstated - while another part of the congregation had their entire family driven from the group (and harassed socially in the community for years) because the father divorced his spouse because of infidelity and physically abusive behaviors.

Oh, and the classic ‘ex wives club’ stalking and harassing an ex, and any new wife - and manipulating her into ruining herself and joining the club.

I’ve seen all these play out first hand, and they are just a drop in the bucket. I’ve ceased to be amazed at the cruelty often demonstrated.

Abusive men tend to work a bit differently, so their setups often look more directly hierarchical and have less information sharing going on. They tend to operate more off secrecy and/or threats of explicit violence, than manipulation.

But I’ve seen a few (rare) instances of similar setups. People can be awesome. People can be terrible.