[avtar]

> And if she leaves me, it's because I failed in some way or another

With all due respect, chances are this view won't be helpful in the long run. It's challenging enough to influence our own minds or predict with certainty what journeys they'll embark on, let alone assume we can be responsible for another person's happiness.

[nadermx]

I don't mean I failed to make her happy. I mean I failed in asserting myself or sacrificing my happiness for her. As her happiness generally feeds of mine.

[purple-leafy]

This is how I feel, I sacrificed a lot of my sanity and happiness to support them, and the spotlight was always on me as I was sad and stressed in the end.

I think going forward I will always put myself first

[em-bee]

i hear you. here is what i came up with as a good way to put it: i can't be expected to take care of my family and my kids if i am not well myself. people (especially in china) tell me (and others) that parents need to sacrifice their own well being for their children, and my response is, if i give up my own well being then my children will suffer. they say, i need to be strong for them and for my partner. but i can only be strong if i am healthy. if you like a metaphor: on an airplane they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. that's what this is. i keep myself healthy, to get the energy i need to be strong for my family.

[stevenAthompson]

I've heard it phrased as "put on your own oxygen mask first."

I like that phrasing as it doesn't sound selfish in that context and most people can immediately understand why it's necessary.