[iterance]

Anecdotally I'd say I can't imagine living with like, one or two people I turn to for emotional support. Would be a nightmare. I know probably 20 or 30 people I could turn to if I needed something, even just to vent.

I wouldn't even necessarily say I'm that close with most of them. It's sort of just... table stakes?

[sershe]

I'm interested in what it is like. I have and always had 0 and really don't feel like I need to talk about my problems with anyone. Never discussed them with my parents even though we have a loving relationship with my mom, and I talk to my spouse but it feels forced being asked about my "feelings" even though again we have a very loving and trusting relationship. When I do have stress/etc. talking about it doesn't really do anything for me. I went to a therapist for the first time recently, just because I have a free benefit at work and everybody's doing it, and by the middle of the 2nd session it felt like there's just nothing to talk about so I probably won't be continuing.

Ok, I think at some point I might have been mildly helpful to one friend who had a crisis by just sorta being there, I can see that, but that was literally a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence so far.

What are 20 people for, like how does it work?

[sosuke]

Imagine three other possibilities:

You have a dozen people who would give you emotional support but you don't ask for any because you aren't sure you could give emotional support in return.

You have a dozen people you think might give you emotional support but you don't want to burden them with your problems.

You have a dozen people that would give you emotional support, maybe once, but you are too afraid to burn the single emotional support coupon until its more important.

[em-bee]

i have one friend that i can trust to be able to talk to with challenges in my life and especially with challenges in my relationship. i know that because he has been open and sharing many of his personal challenges for by now decades with a group of friends that i am privileged to have been invited to.

for everyone else it is pretty much like you describe. i have probably over time met people from each of those categories. and some of them may actually have turned into real friends that i could trust like this one friend above. but moving around meant that we didn't keep in touch. (and it's worth mentioning that almost none of them are from my home, so without moving around i would not have even met them)

[popularonion]

> You have a dozen people that would give you emotional support, maybe once, but you are too afraid to burn the single emotional support coupon until its more important.

This is real. I went through an emotional crisis last year and reached out to a few friends and family for support. My choice to do that has left those relationships more distant, if not permanently damaged.

[iterance]

Yeah, that makes sense. I guess I just don't worry about it that much these days. What you're describing - the fear of overburdening or burning bridges, the uncertainty about what I can give back - I dunno. I had that, at one point, too. A LONG time ago. Middle school, high school maybe. But many years of being shown I can count on the people around me, and that I'm better at giving support in kind than I think, has made it less of a serious worry.

Of course there are limits, and they have to be respected. "Do not discuss rope in the house of a hanged man." But that's why there's so much breadth. If I can't talk about it with my partner, or my close friends are involved, I can almost always find someone willing to hear me out. Someone it's appropriate to go to support for.