[reinvantveer]

This is a thought-provoking article for sure.

> At the opposite end of the personality spectrum are insecure people, who I’d also avoid, as they tend to see credit as a zero-sum game, needing to diminish you to bolster themselves.

As a self-proclaimed insecure person, I take a lot of issue with this statement, putting it mildly. I have no idea where Patterson got this idea, but it is, of course, utter nonsense. To write off insecurity like this is as much an ableist statement as any, as if you have to be confident (from the start!) about anything you do. It is almost an immediate write-off of people in the autism spectrum, with attention deficit disorders, people with mental or physical disorders, with anxiety disorders (like myself), "neurospicy" people (includes me as well) to name a few, or just anyone with traits that make them feel that it's hard for them to fit in.

I wholeheartedly agree with the advice to focus on people and to "choose happiness" but this is no strategy for dealing with adversity. I have, of course, no idea what struggles Patterson's had to face in his life (we all have them, for sure), but I'd suggest reading up on Kristin Neff's works on self-compassion instead of dismissing insecure people like this.

I will propose the opposite. Rather than to "avoid working closely with them" and exclude them further (feeding their insecurities), foster relationships with insecure people, and foster your own insecurities. Listen to them (the people, the insecurities), as they can tell you what you have been so sure about that you may have to reconsider.

Highly insecure about posting this, fearing the backlash, but there you go.

[Clubber]

I hear you, but it's not other people's job to deal with your insecurities. You have to fake it until you make it, to use a cliche. Be mindful when your brain starts being unfairly critical, pause and think, "hey wait a minute, I'm doing better than most people on this earth, so I must be doing something right." It takes a while, but you have to work at it.

Also, try to get out of the habit of being overly critical of other people. That habit will usually extend you being critical of you. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and extend the same courtesy to yourself.

Understand you deserve to take up the space you exist in and you deserve to breathe the air you breathe.

Best of luck.

[cutemonster]

> Also, try to get out of the habit of being overly critical of other people

What makes you think he is?

He wrote:

> people with mental or physical disorders, with anxiety disorders (like myself)

From that does not follow that he would have a habit of being overly critical.

Did you blindly start to believe in what the article author wrote, or how were you thinking

[cutemonster]

(Sorry btw Clubber if I sounded annoyed. You were trying to post helpful advice, that's nice. At the same time, from my perspective, there's misunderstandings going on.)

[horrible-hilde]

brilliant. write a medium paper on this, very eloquently put

[AnimalMuppet]

You're not completely wrong, but you're not completely right either.

If you're insecure, and you respond by criticizing everything everyone else does so that you feel better about yourself, then I don't want you on my team and I don't want you in my life.

But if you're insecure, and you don't tear others down, then sure, welcome, neurodivergent or not.

I think this is what Patterson was getting at - it's the behavior, not the insecurity itself. If you don't behave like that, then your insecurity may be painful to yourself (and you may need help for it), but it's not destructive to those around you.

[jocaal]

People often prefer to see those who are similar to them in a positive light, since that’s their primary frame of reference. Some struggle to grasp that someone with a completely different perspective or set of social skills can have something valuable to offer. I see this most in hiring practices where hiring managers ask highly personal questions and claim it is to check your "cultural fit", but they are probing for people similar to them. I also see it in how people treat others they’ve just met that are from a completely different background, there is typically a faint form of aggression for literally no reason.

> At the opposite end of the personality spectrum are insecure people, who I’d also avoid, as they tend to see credit as a zero-sum game, needing to diminish you to bolster themselves.

Like many sweeping broad statements, it is entirely useless to base decisions on. The world isn't black and white, there are shades of gray all around.

[zmgsabst]

You wrote multiple paragraphs denigrating his point in response to criticism not even specifically addressed at you — but which nevertheless triggered your insecurities.

Do you think that behavior rebuts his point?

[throwaway98797]

props for writing this out

i know it couldn’t be easy

we have limited time in this world

i’d rather spend it with the strong and confident, who need me less than weak and insecure

it’s not fair

it’s not right

but that’s the structure of the world

i don’t like hearing well aktually, because for every one time they are right (and they are right occasionally) i’ve had to listen to to them whine where they have low context

don’t waste peoples time with your insecurity

don’t help the weak

help yourself

[selimthegrim]

You have to help yourself before you help the weak.