| Not every question is a criticism that needs to be defended against. The person you're responding to could very well just like to know the reason if one exists, no more, no less. If you know a better way to get that info than asking the question, I'm all ears. (major digression ahead) This is actually something I've been digging into for a while, trying to improve my own communication. My own current best answer for this sort of situation is the social expectation is that a neutral question will always be accompanied by praise and gratitude, and any question asked that lacks that accompaniment will be interpreted as antagonistic. For example, the comment you're responding too could have started with "This looks really cool, ..." or "Wow, this takes me back..." or "I can see a lot of effort went into this..." and it would have resulted in the question coming off as neutral instead of critical to some people. What's fascinating is when I mention this kind of thing I almost always get one of two responses * Of course that's how it works, everyone knows that! * That's ridiculous, no one can be expected to do that! |