yeah you're right...I thought by sharing them among people I don't know, maybe it would help me lessen the chaos inside me. But now, I feel like I'm turning myself into a spectacle
Well, perhaps, that's one way to look at it, but I don't think it's the only way. By sharing your experiences you can also help others who might be feeling the same way but who aren't able to put their thoughts/feelings as eloquently into words as you can. Avoid mentally catch-22-ing yourself into a corner where you can never take any action. I will note that reading it, it doesn't feel like you're trying to make a spectacle/grab people's attention, it seems like you're just being honest to yourself.
And I'll also add that you should prioritize what's important to you right now. If the thing you need is to share some of these thoughts, then prioritize that. If the price of that catharsis is that it feels a bit like a spectacle, then so be it.
And I'll also add that for the one thing I did have that I don't like to talk about, I did have to talk about it with someone close because it was starting to eat me up a bit.
And I'll also add that you should prioritize what's important to you right now. If the thing you need is to share some of these thoughts, then prioritize that. If the price of that catharsis is that it feels a bit like a spectacle, then so be it.
And I'll also add that for the one thing I did have that I don't like to talk about, I did have to talk about it with someone close because it was starting to eat me up a bit.