[qwerpy]

I used to judge parents who resorted to tablets to keep their children quiet. I don't really anymore. You don't know how exhausted the parents might be or how many hours they've already spent trying to entertain their kids in a more wholesome manner.

I've taken a 2 year old on vacation and some of that time is spent going to unique restaurants that take a couple of hours for a meal. My toddler would get bored and squirmy and would quickly ruin dinner for the entire restaurant. Same thing for airplanes. Of course I don't resort to it immediately but if talking, interacting, and other toys don't do the trick, iPad is a very useful tool in the arsenal. A carefully curated list of educational, offline content is acceptable in my opinion.

Grocery store, or any other short errand? Sure, that's too much.

[idermoth]

Since you're getting some responses to this, I'll add to what we started.

It's important to note: I think "judging" parents isn't productive. People don't understand there are an insane amount of variables involved in raising kids, especially day-to-day.

So even though, I agree with you: we have tried since the beginning to raise children who can go to museums, who can read for long hours, etc. On vacations, we always packed a big bag of books, mini-games, etc. This will keep little kids busy for hours.

The BIG part though...

Really, sometimes you simply have to let stuff happen. Part of being a parent is engaging your child when they're frustrated and bored, NOT getting rid of them. It's a HUGE part... walking with them outside to talk through their feelings and your expectations.

Is it a pain in the ass? Absolutely. Is it one of the most valuable things you'll ever do with them? Without question.

[Sander_Marechal]

I've walked out of plenty of places to deal with my kid being frustrated. And sometimes we're in a restaurant for the first time in months and he's getting bored and antsy after an hour and a half and we'll put up some Bluey on my phone while we finish off desert. You win some, you loose some.

[drivebyhooting]

It is possible to do without tablets/phones. It means you can’t do 2 hour dinners for the first 5 years. Always have a parent ready to walk outside.

Once the child is 5 they will sit and talk to you for hours, do puzzles, and play games.

[elevatedastalt]

I've seen a wide spectrum in that. There are those that only wheel out the mind-numbing Youtube videos as a last resort, but I have seen other parents where the kid basically never has dinner without staring at a screen.

[RandallBrown]

I took my 1 year old camping this weekend without my wife. I plopped him in the car seat and put on a Ms. Rachel video so that he would be quiet/calm while I packed up the campsite.

I felt a little bad resorting to using a video like that to "control" him, but then I carried him on a 3 mile hike where he spent the whole time looking at the trees, before eventually falling asleep.

I'm hoping that as he grows up I can just teach him to have a healthy relationship with things like social media and use it like anything else for entertainment.

[n00b_heal]

seems like you have to learn it first, how else is he supposed to learn that?

[webdood90]

Man, if you don't want to deal with the challenges of children, why have kids? I don't lie to myself, I know I couldn't do it and I didn't.

Maybe you just don't get to go out for dinner or ride on planes until they don't need to be hypnotized with a screen? You know it's bad for them but you're putting your comforts and freedoms above theirs and everybody else's.

I can't help but feel like the next generation has been completely fucked.

[gameman144]

I feel like this mindset is part of why so many people are nervous about having kids, and I couldn't disagree with it more.

Your kid is not an optimization problem, they're a part of your family. If you want to do something unique that's going to bore your kids, it's fine to give them something to do; a half hour of screen time while you enjoy that fancy restaurant while traveling is fine. Your kid will be fine.

Sometimes you should put your comforts and freedoms above your kid's. You are not their servant, you are your own person who has your own wants and needs, and those get to win out sometimes. If your kid throws a tantrum when you're in an art museum, yeah, try to discipline them and calm them down and teach them. If you have a rare opportunity to visit a museum you've always wanted to, though, then it's fine to lose a battle or two here or there if the alternative is missing out on unique experiences that you value.

There are sacrifices to being a parent for sure, but the mindset that it's taboo to allow anything to happen that's not immediately in the best long-term developmental interest of your child is mind-boggling to me. Don't raise your kids in front of screens, but being a parent isn't some phase change that means you have to abandon all your interests and dreams and desires; it just means there's one more person whose interests and dreams and desires you have to care about now.

[kridsdale1]

This is not the typical coastal educated elite liberal mindset. The social pressure to treat birth as a permanent phase change (good term) is immense.

[recursive]

If you can't deal with the challenges of being on a plane where someone else's kids are screaming, maybe you just don't get to go on commercial flights. Just charter a jet.

Non-parents always have all the answers about how kids should be raised.

[jorts]

Don’t judge until you’ve been there. Screens are more of a last resort for my family but we do use them. We avoid most activities where kids will bore quickly but it’s impossible to avoid all situations like that.

[bkandel]

This is so off-base I don't even know where to begin. "Maybe you just don't get to ... ride on planes" -- so the kids never get to meet their grandparents or great-grandparents who are too unwell to make the trip because you won't give them a screen for an hour or two? Like everything else in life, dealing with screens is a balance. Every day for multiple hours is too much; a couple hours on twice-yearly trips is not going to have any effect on them.

[strix_varius]

We haven't had to resort to an iPad yet, but I won't rule it out eventually. Especially on a long trip.

However, everyday errands just shouldn't require extended screen time. Children are naturally curious, making it even more surprising when one is glued to a screen instead of investigating their surroundings.

[jcul]

Yeah I don't judge other parents, this stuff is hard.

We do use downloaded stuff on netflix on flights or rarely long drives if we need to keep them awake. But we use colouring, activity books etc on planes before resorting to Netflix.

To be honest, sometimes I feel that if they are on a device too much they just get frustrated and wound up anyway, so you end up shooting yourself in the foot a bit.

Having said that we do let them watch TV at home. If you're parenting alone, sometimes it's the only option to get stuff done.

[SoftTalker]

Yeah don't take a 2-year-old to a dinner like that. Do it later, when they are old enough to sit through it or get a sitter.

It's only a few years when they are this needy. You'll survive without exotic vacations and fancy restaurants for that time.

[sersi]

We live in HK where it's part of the culture to have restaurant meals with family from an early age. We started bringing him weekly around 4 months old. At least our son got quickly used to it and it's the same for a lot of our friends. They can handle 2 hours dinner without tablets...

I think it's culture dependent and maybe the fact that in most cases the food is in shared in the middle of the table makes it more engaging?