[SoftTalker]

On point 4: keep these work-focused. Don't ask about families, hobbies, "what are you passionate about," what sports they follow, etc. Fine to discuss that if it they volunteer it, but as an developer I always felt put on the spot by those sorts of questions, even if they were meant with friendly intent.

[scarface_74]

Exactly this. I keep my personal life and work completely separate.

My wife and I travel a lot and we have done the digital nomad thing for a year.

I go out of my way not to talk about that at work because I don’t want people to say I’m “being distracted” or when I actually do have something like doctors appointments for them to think that I’m goofing off during work hours.

I worked from 15 cities the year before last.

That’s partially PTSD from my time at AWS (Professional Services).

[satvikpendem]

Indeed. I've heard people getting laid off, for other similar personal reasons, first over others because "well, A has kids and B doesn't, B can doesn't have to support anyone so we'll let B go first." One should not give an employer any more reasons than necessary to lay one off over others.

[cjohnson318]

Very important to be able to read the room on this one. Some people love to talk about themselves, and are turned off if you do not engage with them. Others are very private and don't want to discuss anything outside of work. A fair number of people are right in the middle.

A good strategy is to listen to other person, read what they want to talk about, and ask follow-up questions in that direction. Is the person only talking about work? Fine, talk about that. Did they mention their favorite team, or offer up an anecdote about their partner? Then follow up on those.

I find this all very difficult. I don't like asking personal questions because it feels like prying. I don't like talking about myself or my family until, like, at least a year goes by. But, everyone is different, and it's important to meet people halfway, not just wherever you are, on the social spectrum.