| My experience is that, for whatever reason, social interactions require effort, often seemingly more effort than the reward you get. That's not to say you don't bother - they are fun and nice etc. but that easy interactions with conversations free-flowing are rare. My rough playbook: - make opportunities for people to talk. Ask them things they can talk about at length. People who feel heard are more likely to listen - create social opportunities where participation doesn't rely on talking. Cinema, games, walks etc. - value 1:1 meetings. The dynamics are very different. - really value groups and people with whom interactions are effortlessly fun. There's a limited supply of people like that in my life, so I really cherish and appreciate them It often feels like I'm providing more than 1/N of the effort and less than 1/N of the reward. But I concluded that - I still prefer that to no social interactions - it might be a perception thing. Everyone always feels like they are doing more than their fair share As to why I happens to you... Maybe you happen to like people with particular characteristics? Also bear in mind, if there are N people and everyone speaks for 1/N of the time, actually that's very little time per person - but for me for example, instinctively I feel under-heard unless I'm talking 25-30%+ of the time. As to your wife, you can just directly explain to her that in general you expect to be heard and paid attention to, just as you listen and pay attention to her. Or ask her what about your interaction leads to such attention lapses. |