[brudgers]

People don't want their attention commanded.

They want other people's attention.

If you want people to care about what you say, say things they care about...say things that show you care about what they have to say.

Because if what comes out of your mouth suggests you were just waiting for an opening to talk about yourself, people will tune out...unless of course they give you what you want.

Be fun to talk to. The more fun you are to talk to the more you will enjoy conversations. Good luck.

[malfist]

This is exactly it. Don't view conversations as a zero sum game where you come out in top.

Talk with the person, talk to the person. Don't talk at the other person.

[Aachen]

The first line was also my thought when seeing this question. Sounds like aiming to be manipulative?

But then I guess the post's contents are rather asking how to have an actual conversation with anyone, including your life partner! Which seems so weird that I doubt we can play therapist over the internet to a useful enough degree and the better solution is to ask $wife (and the friends OP is talking about in 1:1 private conversation) what the thing is OP does that makes them uninterested

I know someone who has trouble with this as well (saying things that seem irrelevant to the conversation, but if you wait and let them speak, it'll become clear... but people don't), but the question they ask is not how to command people but how find people that fit you and/or how to fit in with other people, which very much depends on the individual situation and takes lots of conversation to untangle

[brudgers]

The language of the OP suggests how they think about conversational mechanisms and their understanding of other people in the context of casual conversation.

[philomath_mn]

Agreed. I am rarely tracking my what I am saying vs other people. I also focus on paying attention to what people are saying and trying to engage and ask good questions. I rarely volunteer my own stories / thoughts unless they are directly asked for or I have a very strong sense that people want to hear it.

[another2another]

So it's like the Dad in American Pie said: "Interested... is interesting!"

But Stifler is still the character I remember the most.