[asdaqopqkq]

People looking for "an ethical dating app" are usually incel or incel adjacent. Dating is a zero sum game. Most men don't understand women. I'm saying this as a top 10% guy (IRL and on apps). It's best to acknowledge this and take this into account.

[johnnyanmac]

is it really "inceldom" to not want an app to literally rig my matches to not be the best matches until I put X time into it?

Look into some of the dark patterns used today compared to 2010 before making an assumption on people wanting an "ethical dating app". Especially in a community skewed on tech.

[asdaqopqkq]

Sure, it's just that sometimes when people talk abou "ethical" dating and dating apps they are mostly talking about limiting the top guys from taking most of the women or keeping most of the women busy. Usualy via forced monogamy or some sort of forced "fair play". I'm of the opinion that top guys should have a bigger piece of the pie than the avg dude but there should be a limit, something in-between "winner takes all" and monogamy.

[johnnyanmac]

Maybe on a general forum. But "software ethics" is a topic of increasing interest as of late, and a community like HN would point to dating apps as exhibit B of dark software patterns that enshittify society as a whole. That's my first and best interpretation of such a comment on here.

Social dynamics after these dark patterns are resolved is a whole other topic. And honestly not a topic I'm interested in talking about.

[asdaqopqkq]

You already know there is an overlap between the two.

[johnnyanmac]

In the same way there's an overlap between video gamers and school shooters, sure.

[dinkumthinkum]

I get what you are saying but "incel" is a pejorative that is not generally associated with the type of person that would use the phrase "an ethical dating app" but the point is taken that they may be "involuntary celibate", sure. Typically, someone using phraseology associated with hyper-politically-correct people would not be thought of as incels.

[npteljes]

Where do you get "ethical"? Word not found on github, or their frontpage.

I also don't understand what the incel accusation, and then the announcement of incel-adjacent narratives add this conversation. Do you suggest people don't take rivalry into account?

[anonzzzies]

Top 10% guy... Are people really saying crap like that about themselves? Weird.

[changexd]

People usually do this for validation or just the fact is the opposite, often times these kind of people couldn't get partners just because they have this "I'm top __% guy so my partner should be ___" mentality and keeps complaining.

[orblivion]

I don't think it's zero sum. Not everyone is into the same parameters. Or at least we don't weigh them the same. Supposing I don't know anything about women, I would at least venture to say that nerd guys like myself value intelligence in women more than the average person.

But even supposing it was zero sum, and supposing I'm a "low value" male and I deserve a "low value" female. The dating sites could fail to show us to each other, leaving a lot of people single or dissatisfied because they matched too low.

[asdaqopqkq]

Problem is that the top guys are also after your "type" of women. All type of women.

Edit: Also a lot of intellectual women tend to stay away from men seeking intellectual women cause most of the time it is a red flag, cause if you probe deeper a lot of these guys are looking for nerd girls for unhealthy reasons, like they have an unhealthy image of a "nerd girl" in their minds, other times is it just coping, they would be with the sports illustrated girl or "go with the flow" art girl if they could.

[orblivion]

What does this have to do with being zero sum?

[subjectsigma]

Ethical here means "please don't sell my data or abuse my profile", not "everyone on the app is happy and farting rainbows." A person with third-grade reading comprehension could understand this from the linked article, so I guess you really must have spec'd entirely into charisma

[asdaqopqkq]

sure

[Pigalowda]

Take a look at this boys. Some real BDE here on HN. We’re blessed today

[asdaqopqkq]

I can assure you than my D is slightly smaller than the average.

[Pigalowda]

We know

[asdaqopqkq]

"We" you and your...? Ah nevermind