[camgunz]

My partner and I have two kids (21 months and 5 weeks) and we absolutely hate the caretaking phase... which lasts a year? Our oldest can be pretty hilarious now so she's net worth it, but it was a journey of misery to get here, and the reason we dove right back into the icy pond of abject awfulness is that we just wanted to get it over with ASAP.

Why is it so torturous? For me, I'm a software engineer, and I became one because I'm obsessive. I like to think about a thing all day every day. The most I get now is maybe three 90 minute chunks a day, maybe a couple three hour chunks a week. If you're not like this you won't understand how it feels, but if you are, you'll know what I mean when I say learning to live without this kind of thing (I guess the term is need for cognition?) has made me into a completely different person.

It does get better though! We do daycare so when they're old enough I get a regular work schedule back. Definitely no nights or weekends though; those days are gone for the foreseeable future. But, like you, I'd do anything for them and I don't regret it. It's just hard to overstate how huge the change is--you legitimately are forced to become a different person (or, I guess, you can choose to not be a very good parent, idk)

[munksbeer]

My children are older - five and three - so I've passed the early care taking phase. We suspect our eldest has mild autism or some form of adhd and sensory processing issues. He is the sweetest little boy at times, I love him so much, but he is incredibly challenging. The entire five years have been hard, hard work and we're constantly on edge and having to help him cope with the world. The youngest is a bit more typical, but also extremely high energy. It's just physically and mentally exhausting.

But yes, it is becoming a bit easier. And as it becomes easier, I actually relax a bit more too and my mood lightens, which makes the meltdowns a bit easier to handle.