[ElevenLathe]

Fake planning is the real evil. This is the kind where your entire quarter/fiscal year is spoken for in an elaborate tree of initiatives/milestones/epics/tasks painstakingly negotiated over months by your boss and many other parties without any input from you. First day of the quarter, you are invited to learn what inscrutable drivel is written in your tickets, and what totally random time estimates it has been given. Since this is immutable now and your performance review depends on being seen to have completed it, you start plotting ways to trick various people into explaining what they thought they were writing down. Of course you're also "doing agile" so you have to pack all these tickets into "sprints" (a synonym for fortnights). Since all your work for the quarter is already known, this is a simple matter of deciding on day 1 the exact order you will work on it all for the next 3 months. Any deviation from this plan is considered unprofessional. You are doomed. You pour a cocktail, boot your workstation and log into your daily standup with the other prisoners. It's a beautiful day but you'll be inside playing with JIRA and arguing over the meaning of "implement" versus "create" with a "technical PM" that doesn't know what Linux is.