It's something else that I can't easily explain. I'm a remote SWE now, and I go to a local office I'm not assigned to. Just in that tech circle, I have way more friends at work here than I did in Silicon Valley, where I saw my team and department each day in-office. I was just as friendly and outgoing in both places, and similar place in my life (married).
There are a lot of good things about living in Silicon Valley, so it's a bit annoying when people take all that for granted. I do miss being able to bike everywhere I needed in Mountain View. But I was happier after we left.
The problems are roughly:
- Monoculture
- Generally risk-averse and cliquish population whose primary concern is (understandably) survival and accumulating the money needed to live a normal middle class life and are drawn to the “peaceful” atmosphere of the region (a word you’ll hear especially frequently)
- Terrible urban planning and poor density for socialization: sprawling suburbia, lifeless downtown cores, everyone is far away from each other and as a result of the grueling commutes, few are willing to spontaneously hang out after work
It’s a toxic mix that leads to a social death spiral.
The downtown areas of Mountain View, Cupertino, San Jose, Los Altos, Saratoga, and Palo Alto are pretty lively (sorry Sunnyvale). And most of America is suburbia, but people are still friendlier there.