[m463]

> On top of its journalistic pursuits, The Onion also owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily.

https://theonion.com/about-us/

[ziddoap]

Ah, that explains it. They can test them on animals. Thanks!

[Terr_]

No, that would be unethical, running the risk of healing the animals and helping them live longer lives without a high level of informed consent that only animals deserve.

They will instead receive a set of carefully designed nocebos.

The real supplements will be shipped needy areas in developing countries and then strategically withheld from anyone that desires them.