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I've been on both sides of this... First you need to care of yourself. First and most importantly, your needs emotionally and physically come first, always! Draw those boundaries and fiercely defend them. You can't help anyone else if you're not taken care of. Second. Every one, married couples, you name it, we are all flying our own planes. You can radio someone and offer assistance, you can offer to lead. But they are flying their own plane. And if you try to fly their plane no one will be flying yours and it will crash. Your roommate needs to see a doctor. Anxiety, depression, cptsd, whatever is going on.. his brain is doing that because it has worked as a defense mechanism in the past, and because he's still alive his brain is going, 'well keep doing that, it works, see we're not dead." And that's the thing. Your brain doesn't give a shit of your happy or horribly depressed, it is just doing what it has always done to keep you, him, me Alive. You're roommate would need to be able to step back. You can't change anyone, but you can cheer, coach, and try to lead them a bit. And it sounds like he needs a doc to put him on meds, at least for a little while, so he can step back and look at things from a more objective angle. So I would ask what's going on, and actively listen. And not to the crazy shit. Ask what's led to it. That you can tell they've got a lot of shit going on and you wanted to make sure they're alright. And actively listen. Don't give advice. Don't interrupt. Just listen, ask a question here or there. And when they finish. If they've shared shit, which they may or may not have. I would talk up my doctor tell them how much they helped me and offer to go with them. "I'll bet he could help you out with... a bit too. So fuck. If you want I'll take a day off and head down with ya. After we can have a fun day like we used to. " something to that effect. If they're really standoffish or angry and crazy. I would give them a beer, not 6 or 10, and see if they calm down but me just chilling and being mellow if so great. Do the above. If not, I would start to distance myself. And contact our friends and discuss it with them. And if we don't have a circle of friends or if that doesn't work, I'd contact his family and see if they can get him help. More than likely, he's going to end up having a crazy break down, where he blows up his life. And when that happens, he'll know he needs help. But until then... be a friend but take care of yourself first. And if it's too much. Look into moving. |