[nonethewiser]

That's a good example. I agree the imagery is strong with the Tolkien example. It also struck me as how you might say it if you are verbally telling the story. The "among the trees nearby" interlude and the successive exclamations at the end.

[sigbottle]

Exactly. Even though I understand every word of this quote

> The reverberations of the trumpet stirred the knights from their deep repose, igniting a tumultuous awakening. With swords unsheathed and hearts ablaze, they clashed in a thunderous symphony of war, each seeking to claim dominance over the waking realm.

there's a distinct feeling of disconnect, I guess? That language feels much more appropriate, when say, you're on top of a mountain and admiring the beautiful landscape around you. Tolkein's words capture the urgency and adrenaline of war with his simpler sentences.

I suppose I'd need to see the context behind the original quote; in a historical lore recap, I'm more happy with that quote.

(Not going to pretend like I know precisely what's different as it's all subjective, but I suspect the mood you're trying to go for heavily impacts your writing choice)