[rsktaker]

I'm guessing but it's not without some experience. I feel like I trick myself all the time - to guide myself towards becoming what I want to be.

There was a time when I felt unintelligent and incapable of great, technical things. So I kind of just did things that it seemed capable people did. I felt like people who are smart, capable, and rich now, hacked things when they were young and were rebellious and broke the rules and did whatever they wanted and put lots of effort into random interesting things because they were interesting.

So, because the end goal was attractive to me in a way, I tried to do those things too - maybe consciously, maybe not. I feel like that process made me different though. I have genuinely changed into someone far more capable technically, way more interested in super 'nerdy' things.

Anyway, I don't know what it means to think this through ego. I don't really get it.

But sunsets are nice - I like seeing them too. Yeah I suppose what I mean was that the commentary changed. Interesting that for you there's no commentary, I think I've felt like that before. Sometimes I feel like I just exist in a nice feeling - no words, nothing. Just experiencing. But that doesn't last very long, or it turns into something negative like boredom or something. Then I get up with a bad feeling lol

[brookst]

> I feel like I trick myself all the time - to guide myself towards becoming what I want to be

This is the central principle of human psychology and interpersonal behavior, IMO.

Kurt Vonnegut nailed it: “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be very careful about what we pretend to be”

That racist jerk? He’s probably not really a racist jerk, he’s just pretending to be one to fuck with people. Except! That is no different than “actually” being a racist jerk.

Same thing with compassion or anything else, including intelligence. When a stranger is helping you pick up stuff you dropped, or a coworker is reasoning thought a complicated problem, it doesn’t matter if they’re “just pretending”. That is who they are, to them and to you.

My personal formulation has evolved into a small riff on Vonnegut’s insight: I think that our entire personality is simply the sum of the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Change the stories you tell yourself, change yourself.

[rsktaker]

I agree. I've been interested in how the stories we consume, whether presented to us by ourselves or others, affect our personalities. Thank you for pointing me to Vonnegut.

One thing I feel is often overlooked in this conversation are our physical urges, specifically the ones motivating us to action that is different from what the 'character' we want to be would do. That adds noise to our personality, and widens the gap between what we are and what we want to be.

[brookst]

Urges are interesting. I agree they add noise and in dramatic cases completely take over personality (seeing a rattlesnake, for instance).

There’s also an interesting intersection with stories. I know when I’m pretty hungry my chain of thought is basically “I’ve got enough extra pounds I’m not going to starve, I’ll eat eventually, it’s not that important”. A close friend often tells me she has to eat as soon as she’s hungry or else she gets irritable and distracted. I sometimes wonder if that’s prescriptive or descriptive.

[krackers]

Physical urges can be considered some form of "subconscious" narrative (or even raw sensory narrative, e.g. hunger), while the "character we see ourselves as" is the more conscious narrative. The gap between these two reveals how latent, subconscious trauma can affect our emotions and desires, in the "Jungian shadow" sense. The conscious narrative is easier to manipulate, while the unconscious narrative is harder to, requiring "shadow work" as Jung called it.

[tmnvix]

> I don't know what it means to think this through ego.

I think most people are familiar with the feeling of being in a 'flow state'. Contrasting this with times when we indulge in a stream of 'self referential thought' is, in my opinion, a good way to grasp how ego influences our state of mind.

Try to imagine being in a flow state without actually doing anything other than observing. It's something I experience at times when I'm in a beautiful natural environment. I try to bring this feeling into my everyday life.

[svara]

> Try to imagine being in a flow state without actually doing anything other than observing. It's something I experience at times when I'm in a beautiful natural environment. I try to bring this feeling into my everyday life.

I think you explained this very clearly and beautifully. I think I know exactly what you mean.

I used to find a lot of comfort in being able to get myself into this state of mind easily, usually, like you, by just calmly observing natural surroundings in environments that are special to me.

That was in my late teens and early twenties. I'm now about 15 years older and find it so much harder.

I think it has something to do with living a hectic adult life, and I really hope I'll be able to find back to that some time.

Part of me really believes that to experience life in this way is what we're here for and modern life's way of distancing us from this experience is something we need to be very wary of.

[tmnvix]

I've sometimes heard this state of mind described as 'silent awareness'.

I agree that modern life often doesn't seem amenable to it. However, something I've noticed about this state of mind is that it's not dissimilar to an overwhelming sense of contentment or satisfaction.

I think that deep down, contentment - and not necessarily happiness - is something we all strive for. With that in mind, I've formulated an approach to life that I try to remind myself of regularly. It could be summed up as "meaning in life is found through doing the things that are necessary for life". It can be liberating at times. Mundane things like washing dishes or cooking which I might otherwise put off in favour of some hedonistic activity are given more priority because I recognise that they are an important source of contentment.

A lot of modern life is designed to instill a sense of discontent. Advertising and social media are obvious examples. These things are best avoided. Even the things that provide convenience work against contentment because they preclude you from doing the things that are the source of that contentment.

When I feel more content, it is easier to slip into that state you might call 'silent awareness'. Interestingly, this is very much how I feel immediately after meditation.