| I am suffering from this. Every word you wrote stabbed me in my past, which means dissonance, somewhere. Subconscious self-sabotage to rip the proverbial band-aid off, induced manic/delirium from a small infection, rumination/paranoia, catatonia. Took less consciousness away from my delaying of problems. My ego didn't handle it, the manic iD, did. I had successfully ran away from all my problems, failing upwards just enough to irk out a cowardly existence. If Moses had an antibiotic, or had flossed more, the 4(0?) days of desert-delirium may not had been so fearlessly familiar. after day 4-5 of catatonic rumination and paralyzing anxiety: I cried aloud, "just give me an ounce of strength"; that let me ruminate as to why: I was asking for help: I am not allowed to. why not? skip that token, backprop later. Why an ounce? and why of strength? and why am I asking aloud? and who am I asking? ... Why an ounce? Why not a ratio of my body mass? Why not an arbitrary....because I have 0. Zero what? Strength? Why am I asking for strength? Because I am a coward. and Occam's Razor clicked, all my problems stemmed from cowardice. I awoke to find myself identifying with "depersonalization" for once, which was embarrassing. But embarrassing/cringe is dissonance, so my ego deconstruction began. Morality is cowardice in disguise. <-- Stuck here, unable to proceed. Too axiomatic. Or figure out a situation where OP has to ship things no matter what. Which is hard unless you are jobless and can't figure a way out apart from building useful things that people pay for.
Not out of the woods yet, but at least I know I am in a familiar forest. |