[baq]

I upvoted you for the hyperbole but absolutely don't agree.

People who don't want to learn a new special purpose language are basically saying that 'I've got a hammer and everything is a nail' is fine, which is (to your point) absurd. Languages are tools, use tools to solve problems the tools were designed to solve.

Where I do agree is what you haven't said clearly: it isn't obvious what problems 'diagrams as code' solve. The idea is cool and I've used plantuml with some success, but in the end the diagram is supposed to be consumed visually (including changes - to preserve spatial relationships between versions).