[AgentOrange1234]

Interesting question.

I agree that video calls are a special hell.

I think I am reasonably high functioning in in-person settings, but I suspect I don’t read body language very well. I find eye contact difficult to maintain for reasons I do not know.

On the phone, I feel like conversations can be slower and more deliberate. I feel a freedom in not having to control my expressions and show my interest. I can just focus entirely on their voice, and I feel I have become very adept at this. I love podcasts and audiobooks and such, maybe there is a connection.

My wife describes very differently dynamics. She wants to meet with folks in person to “read” them better. She thinks my preference for phone only makes no sense.

[throwaway2037]

This is a great reply. You are someone who has thought deeply about this matter. Thank you to share!

    > I find eye contact difficult to maintain for reasons I do not know.

Years ago, I asked my mother why she always sits next to my father when they go out to eat, instead of across (face-to-face). She told me: "It's less pressure vs face-to-face." To be clear, I would describe my mother as a social normie (not autistic), but it really struck me. Over the years, I have changed my seating style to sit next to people (even when only two of us). For me, it makes a difference. Side by side, you can kind of talk forward or slightly angled and the other person can hear you very well (assuming no hearing disability!), but you don't need to make constant eye contact. That said, from time to time, you really want to make a point, and you tug on their sleeve or turn your head... you make eye contact, but for a short time. (Also: Without dragging on too long about this topic: You can more easily make physical contact -- touch! -- which can really help to connect, even in non-romantic settings.) I'm not trying to run away from eye contact, but my mother's comment was insightful: In-person need not always be constant eye contact.

[AgentOrange1234]

Interesting. Yeah I quite like a walking meeting for the same side-by-side kind of thing. I imagine meetings over golf would have similar dynamics, but haven't ever tried that.