[thaumasiotes]

Both of those statements are false. Everything has a result. And the p-value is very literally a quantified measure of how interesting a result was. That's the only thing it purports to measure.

"Woman gives birth to fish" is interesting because it has a p-value of zero: under the null hypothesis ("no supernatural effects"), a woman can never give birth to a fish.

[bjourne]

I ate cheese yesterday and a celebrity died today: P >> 0.05. There is no result and you can't say anything about whether my cheese eating causes or prevents celebrity deaths. You confuse hypothesis testing with P-values.

[thaumasiotes]

The result is "a celebrity died today". This result is uninteresting because, according to you, celebrities die much more often than one per twenty days.

I suggest reading your comments before you post them.