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by gwd 592 days ago
I don't think it's necessarily a "happy medium", but wisdom to know what kind of pain it is, and what the cost/benefit is of the situation.

If you're lifting weights, the "burn" you feel after doing 20 reps of a light weight might be way higher in intensity than a little twinge in your shoulder; but the "burn" might be something you push through, while the twinge is something you just stop your workout for that day -- and if it happens again, may mean you take it easy on your shoulder for a week or two. That's because you know the "cost" of pushing through the burn is negligible and the benefit part of your whole plan; the "cost" of pushing through the shoulder twinge might be a month or two of no working out, possibly no more weightlifting ever if it's bad enough.

In most situations I have a policy of eating at least a bit of whatever's put in front of me. It's good to train myself to put politeness over squeamishness, and in any case I've often found new foods that I've liked that way. I've never eaten tarantula or grasshopper, but if someone offered me one I'd try it, even though it sounds disgusting.

However, I no longer eat sea cucumbers if my wife cooks them, even though I have only a mild distaste to them: I've already eaten them hundreds of times, I know I can eat them, I'm pretty sure they're never going to get any easier to eat, and she doesn't mind, as it leaves more for her. Forcing myself to eat them doesn't really have that much benefit.

As a "social introvert", I've learned at conferences to just go back to my room and take a nap if I'm tired. I can just power through the day without a rest, but the interactions aren't really worth it -- much better to take a break and come back fresh and ready to engage.

I could go on and on -- the key thing is to recognize what the actual cost or benefit of "pushing" is.

1 comments

I like the nuance you're bringing to this. When originally writing the article, I considered using a gym/weightlifting analogy, as it felt extremely relevant. I agree that the cost/benefit part can really be important. I might lean a bit more into my edge if I'm talking with someone I really care about, even if the cost/risk to me might be a little higher. I'm also much less likely to lean into my edge if I feel the person is a potential powder keg.
Haha, having "high intensity" conversations was one of the things I was thinking of bringing up but couldn't find a concise way to express in the time I had to write the comment. I've written letters where I was like, this is either going to help this other person, or completely destroy our relationship. On the other hand, there are loads of conversations that I won't have, because I don't really foresee "moving the needle" of the other person (or anyone reading / listening to the conversation), and just having the conversation would get me really worked up and angry for no good reason.

Re not talking to a potential powder keg, if you're interested the opinion of one ancient guy a lot of people look to for advice:

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." -Jesus