[Tichy]

"Software (and tech in general) is a toxic and often extremely sexist community towards women. "

It really isn't. Maybe you get a distorted view because complaints get a disproportionate amount of attention (much like reports about crimes in the newspapers - most people overestimate the amount of crime happening, at least in Europe). Precisely a reason to deal with those complaints in a sensible way, because people like you already got the wrong impression.

[anextio]

I was in denial about it for a long time, like you. I came up with excuses, like you are doing, to explain it away and not have to deal with it.

If it really isn't so much of an issue, then how come so many women are up in arms about it? [0]

[0] http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Issues

[Tichy]

There is certainly sexism, but I doubt it is "extremely common", or at least not more common than in other parts of life. Just watch ads on TV - evidently the advertising industry and all their clients are very sexist. That makes every industry.

Why many women complain? I'm no expert, but I would guess (apart from the lack of actual numbers: what percentage of women in IT complain, and what percentage in the average population) there are a couple of reasons. I think some of the issues are issues women face everywhere. Like indecent proposals: is the likelihood higher to get those on a tech event than on other events? But it is easier to point a finger (those IT guys), instead of just "men".

Maybe I can write more tonight, must work now...