[cj]

I have a (IMO bad) habit of looking away from my computer screen (at visual nothingness) when having concentrated discussions over video calls.

For whatever reason it’s just easier to talk when staring out the window at a tree than staring at a face on a screen. I call it a bad habit because it results in accidentally ignoring body language of the person on the other end

100% with phone calls. I typically just slowly pace around around my house when on a phone call without video.

[6510]

Strange, for me it is obvious how it works.

It goes for locations and activities too but mostly if I look at something it locks and unlocks memories but the thing I'm looking at also becomes part of the active memory.

You have a bunch of stuff hashed against the tree or against a dead gaze or you don't want the person to be part of the thought process.

I forgot the code for the warehouse at a previous job. Typing the wrong one locks the place down. I somewhat panicked but went there anyway, got distracted by something and typed the code without even thinking about it. I also remembered it after walking inside. Took some coffee and it was gone again. I thought, I've been typing that code for years but had never realized I only remember it when looking at the door.

[cj]

As I reflect and re-read my comment, I think for me it’s simply I’m overloaded.

Looking at a face while talking vs. a tree just increases the mental energy necessary for the call. When you’re chronically exhausted, you start cutting out the little things that seemingly don’t matter (like someone’s body language or facial expression during a call)

Definitely a tangent here. Love the warehouse example though. Similarly, I can’t for the life of me recite my iphone, Apple Watch, or home security alarm PIN codes. It’s just pure muscle memory at this point. When I try to recall the PIN codes in my head, my mind immediately tries to recall the numbers by visualizing my phone (or alarm keypad) and attempting to remember the movement of my fingers in order to deduce what the numbers are.

[hinkley]

There’s a saddle point of reading body language that improves communication. But at the point you read micro expressions of dishonesty then it becomes problematic. Nobody likes being called on their bullshit. Detectives get away with it because it’s their job. But none of the suspects like them or want to spend any time around them afterward. They’re effective but they’re also assholes by most cultural standards.