[j_crick]

> How do you fix something like this if you can’t diagnose what’s wrong?

You don't "fix" it, you just fine-tune your behavior models.

Make of yourself something that people need and/or want (which is often something they'll eventually outright signal that they're missing). Don't make yourself dependable, but desirable.

Empathy and compassion are fickle resources because if you are superficial about expressing them, people will notice.

Sound advice and expertise are nice but limited in scope and frequency, and require some reputation and trust building.

In most informal contexts most people are prone to oversharing to a keen ear. So become an active listener, pretend to be genuinely interested (but not necessarily empathic) about people's experiences and throw in something relatable to them on the way, pretend to be more stupid than them, grease their egos while playing an innocent contrarian, and eventually they'll think you're a great person and invite you to their secret boring, pretentious and utterly tasteless wine drinking clubs. If that's what you want then you win.

[galfarragem]

Congratulations, new skill unlocked: master manipulator. /s

[j_crick]

The way I see it, engineering obedience or coercion is another, much wider skillset, of which engineering attention and interest is only a part. But you gotta start somewhere! :wink: /s