[qqq]

You ask him why not. Try to find out what his misconception is, so you can explain about that particular issue. Then he'll learn about the specific area he doesn't know.

If things are going right, sometimes he'll want to have a discussion. Other times he'd rather just do what you said without understanding it, so he can proceed now (nothing wrong with that if it's voluntary). And other times, just let him do it his way, if it won't be a huge disaster, and he can learn something from his mistake, and about how good your advice is.

[petercooper]

You ask him why not. Try to find out what his misconception is, so you can explain about that particular issue. Then he'll learn about the specific area he doesn't know.

If you substitute in someone with the same level of rationality and decision making skills as a young child.. let's say.. a meth addict, does it still work?

Sure, there are some kids - especially older ones - who can take part in discussions and come to logical conclusions, but this is a learned skill over many years. The ability to take control of yourself and be rational is very much part of the definition of being an adult.

Asking a 4 year old kid if he wants to go to school or not is not rational parenting and a child should not make those sorts of decisions.

I remember thinking a lot of things were unfair as a kid and thinking I could make better decisions than my parents - and I was considered a pretty smart kid. Now I'm of my parents' age, I know I was mostly wrong. Adults and parents are there for a reason. They can make skilled judgments, and kids can't.

[tptacek]

I know people raised like this. Their parents were psychologists. You ever hear the old saw about the people raised by psychologists?

[qqq]

No you don't know anyone raised like this. If you give me a comprehensive statement of what they did, I will point out ten ways they hurt their kids. You may say I am wrong on every count, but you won't be able to dispute that what I advocate is different than what was done.

People all the time come up and say they already do the stuff on the TCS website. So far the rate of that being true is exactly zero.

PS I do not like psychologists.

[tptacek]

What's this, you say? A novel, ideologically extreme child rearing philosophy that's so rarely applied that I couldn't conceivably know someone raised under it? Sold!

[qqq]

Your attitude would reject all new ideas about parenting without any regard for their merit.

The reason the things I'm advocating are especially worth consideration is that they are in line with long standing traditions our society already places very high value on, such as individual freedom and happiness, and control over one's own life.

[tptacek]

No, in fact most new ideas about parenting are not ideologically extreme. Uncomfortable, perhaps --- like attachment parenting, which put our kids in our bed for a year --- but not extreme.