[jrockway]

It's a clusterfuck and I have no idea what to do about it.

Have you tried submitting feedback using the gear icon?

According to this: http://googleenterprise.blogspot.com/2011/10/google-is-now-a..., they're working on a migration tool which will let you transparently move from your gmail account to your domain account. Google Voice has a tool and it worked fine (along with the general data export tool for moving my contacts).