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by standardUser 633 days ago
Sexual interest is not wholly absent from my mixed gender friendships. But I wouldn't call it "tension" in most cases. Some are people I have been intimate with before, but now that is in the past. Some are now married with children and I am friends with their spouses (and kids) and would never, ever try to inject sex. Some I am not at all attracted to, and some are not at all attracted to me.

And some I hope to someday fool around with!

It's not simple, but the vast majority of the time it is not a problem either. The real problem comes from jealous partners, and I personally would never date someone who is so jealous that they cause problems with my existing friendships.

1 comments

Yeah, I agree with that.

For example, I'm friends with most of my exes. We're all in new relationships. I sometimes go out for dinner with one of them to catch up on life and talk. There is no sexual tension at all, because we are in different relationships, so sex is not something we even think about!

If we were both single and an ex would call me and ask if I'm alone tonight and if she can drop by and watch a movie, then that would be a completely different situation, and there very likely would be sexual tension. But this is highly situational and has more to do with circumstances than with the people involved.

Just because I had sex with a person in the past or might in the future or could in theory does not mean that there is constant sexual tension between us.

Yeah this is absolutely not normal among most people, probably the vast majority of people.
Not normal to be friends with any exes or people you've had sex with? Maybe not too common in ones 20's, but more likely by their 30's or 40's.

Lot's of friendships start with brief dating/hookup that doesn't lead anywhere romantically. And frequently major relationships leave bonds that persist after the relationship ends. I'd be hard pressed to think of ANYONE I know who does not have at least one friendship like that (I'm early 40s).

I'm not sure why you are generalizing like that. It's normal for all the people I know in my personal life.