[bfung]

> I'm skeptical about the idea that we can simply "choose" to be thermostats.

Well, it’s like most things, it takes practice and time to be good at it if natural talent isn’t there.

Sure, things out of our control can trigger emotions, but one incredible ability of humans is to rationalize those emotions and act in more constructive ways than to immediate react back.

It can be quite liberating and fun to understand and process these things, much like understanding code and data structures in order to recombine them into things you want to achieve.

[theultdev]

> It can be quite liberating and fun to understand and process these things, much like understanding code and data structures in order to recombine them into things you want to achieve.

This thread actually made me realize it's much easier to express this in code vs words since it deals with state and logic:

https://gist.github.com/TheUltDev/fc8386e42205504c55d1cf2127...

This is the my process of rationalization and resolution. The flow is the same for all scenarios, but I only coded logic for one scenario I described in another comment:

Let's say someone close to you is unusually quiet and short with you. You irrationally think they are mad at you or ignoring you because they are being short. That makes you feel mad because you didn't do anything to them! Upon receiving the feeling you start rationalizing the response and realize that you have no evidence that they are mad at you and there are many times you don't want to talk. You then simply ask them if anything's wrong and they say they have a headache! Whew, it wasn't about you at all, it was just a headache! You then empathize with them and want to help so you ask if you can get them some advil and know not to be loud or talk too much until they start feeling better (acting normally)

[germinalphrase]

As a topical extension, there are entire therapeutic modalities (like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) that assist people in doing this kind of in-the-moment emotional reflection and recontextualization. If this sort of thing is difficult, seeking out a therapist that specializes in these modalities can be helpful (and seeking the support of a therapist does not require a person to be ‘mentally ill’).

[dv35z]

What's the best book on CBT technique that you would recommend?

[grvdrm]

Completely agree with you. I think (like you) it is about VERY deliberate action. My phrase: a conscious turn in the other direction.

The more I practice changing or revamping my reactions/approaches to situations, the more those things improve.

Not everyone will agree but IMO - the skeptic is simply not that willing to try. That's ok. But it's the reality.