[RcouF1uZ4gsC]

For a long term relationship, sex is the icing on a cake made of shared values and interests.

It isn’t surprising at all that focusing on real life shared interests and values first instead of sex first would be a good strategy for finding a long term partner.

[dotancohen]

Agreed 100%.

The issue is that a long term relationship (and sex) is often considered creepy to pursue in venues not designated for that.

[marginalia_nu]

The solution is to not pursue sex or relationships, but to simply have enough of a social life that it happens anyway. That completely gets rid of the leisure suit larry energy that going out hunting for a partner inevitably gives you.

[Qem]

> The solution is to not pursue sex or relationships, but to simply have enough of a social life that it happens anyway.

One thing I find odd about having problems finding partners/establishing relationships, it's that for every other psychological problem, say, addictions, depression, et cetera, one thing people always says to be of utmost importance is to acknowledge the problem itself. To not pretend it's nothing, or that it's something else. With relationship-making there's a complete reversal on that. Default advice it's to forget it and delude yourself pretending you're trying just to do some hobbies.

[marginalia_nu]

It's very similar to how the best way to become unhappy is to try to be happy. Happiness is a side-effect of living a well balanced life. The harder you try to be happy, the more you displace the things that make you happy. It only comes when you aren't chasing it, but doing the things you find interesting and rewarding instead.

Lengthy romantic relationship dry spells aren't "the problem", but rather typically a symptom of other issues, and often issues that are exacerbated by putting sex and relationships on a pedestal.

The best thing you can do in order to find a romantic relationship is to just be a well functioning person that has their shit together. Have friends, have interests, get out of the apartment, do stuff with your life. Incel brainrot never got anyone laid.

[BaculumMeumEst]

I mean if you're creepy about it, sure, but as long as you can pick up on social cues you can feel it out without rubbing anyone the wrong way.

[naveen99]

I thought long term relationships (and sex) were for children.

[twixfel]

A happy, long term relationship can be an end in and of itself, otherwise couples with fertility problems presumably should just break up.