[Baeocystin]

You do it during work hours. Period.

Your brain only has so many truly 'on' hours in a day, and it's already less than 8. Trying to burn even more in the pursuit of complex knowledge isn't just robbing Peter to pay Paul, it's eating the seed corn and wondering why your harvest failed.

It's a scary thing to realize, and can be hard to stick with. But limits are real, and respecting them gets more work done in the long run than not.

[livearchivist]

100%

This is so important. I have a 3yo and wife, I currently work for a series-A startup - It's incredibly easy to do things out of hours, answer messages, train, lab things up, etc... But at the end of the day that is a part of my career.

So except for when I'm traveling for work, I don't do a GD thing past 5pm, unless i choose to. When I choose to, it's likely because a lot of my team is in IST time zone rather than EST.

When you're a family person, your job is to be there for yourself first, your family second, your other commitments after that.

I have a weekly 4:30p friday call. Would i rather have that at 1:30p? Yes. But i've chosen to work remotely in Ohio instead of move to Cali like the last four companies have asked. So I take that friday 4:30p call.

But you better believe that i check out until monday after that.

During the week I'll take odd hour calls for my counter-parts in IST, but that's nearly entirely out of courtesy than necessity.

Take care of things in the following order: 1. You, as a human, holistically 2. Your family, spouse first, kids second 3. Your work 4. Everything else

It's reduced a huge portion of stress from my life by doing this.

[jaredhallen]

You've said it twice, and I'll reiterate it a third time. Your own well being has to come first. You can't deliver on the rest of your commitments if you neglect your own needs. Being a martyr does not serve those who depend on you.

[antimemetics]

If you can’t love yourself how are you going to love someone else?

[space_oddity]

People are capable of giving and receiving love, even while struggling with self-love. In fact, relationships can often be a source of healing

[devanil]

Can I Get an Amen?

[sandeep1998]

I am trying to move to a country where this is a reality... I just need a life outside of work (and some quiet and peace and fewer people around me all the time) I want to be able to sit down in the park, stroll around the neighbourhood, ride cycle, swim, cook, etc without the worry of job looming over my head all the time. I want to live for myself.

[djsamseng]

Come to Siem Reap, Cambodia. Start your day with a sunrise walk to the gym ($40/month). Grab an omelette and coffee for $3. Head home by 9am before it gets too hot. Work/learn/read/nap in the AC until 5pm. Take a sunset bike ride through the temples of Angkor Wat. Grab dinner downtown at the open breeze restaurants while people watching ($2-3 for a healthy meat and vegetable stir fry, $1 for pancakes, $2 for fried rice). Grab some drinks ($1) and play billiards with some friends. Head home to your modest 1 bedroom apartment for the night ($300/month). Not to mention the locals are really friendly here and if you’re in to helping out in some of your free time, you will be greatly valued and appreciated!

There’s a few other expenses and some cons of living here but some research and YouTube videos will help you figure out if it’s right for you. And of course you can ask me :)

[sandeep1998]

email? I am ([e-mail])

[pnut]

I say this as a person who emigrated away from the US in my late 30's...

The hedonic treadmill exists in all countries, stepping off it is a personal priority and discipline regardless of where you live.

[sandeep1998]

Fair point. I'm not chasing happiness, but rather seeking a lifestyle that is more in line with my personal preferences and values, such as quiet/peace, fewer people, and cooler weather. On days when I get to experience these, I feel very content with my life and more in control of it, All the other problems don't bother me much when these basics are right...

[ddingus]

Very high value, lucid advice.

My experiences were similar, however I must add when your day job is not related to skill building activities, you may find your "on" time to be greater.

Still, be careful.

In my case, my day job was manufacturing and I was an effective prototype mechanic. Loved the work, hated the pay, so...

I used a percentage of my free time learning more computer related things.

When the time was right, I was ready to take the jump.

Landed nicely, and have no regrets.

Now, later in life I find the dynamics above are in play and we all ignore them at our peril.

[beaglesss]

All hours spent with kids under 5 is basically 'on'. Which would leave most mothers I've met at zero 'on hours' left for work. A reason for the 'gender pay gap'?

[BobaFloutist]

Childcare is skilled, necessary labor, and should be subsidized by the government at the level that food production is. Maternity leave and paternity leave in the United States are also woefully insufficient.

[beaglesss]

Proposal rejected by society. You will raise the child into a productive citizen, then society will tax the shit out of them while yelling "we paid our property taxes for our shit schools, so we deserve a slice."

Then the social security cut gets distributed regardless of preference to who raised the kids who now pay the taxes.

It's a classic tragedy of the commons, offload almost all the cost on moms then socialize the taxed gains.

[BobaFloutist]

It works great until women have control over whether or not they have children.