[lucifargundam]

My wife and I verbally argue nearly daily about many things. But we usually work things out over time. Fast forward much time later-(days, months, etc) such topics 90% of the time are no longer important enough for either of us to really care about talking about them. We're happy _enough_ , what usually impacts us as a couple is the frustrations we individually feel with external factors- not each other. Think of two fish stuck in a bowl they outgrew- any hostilities are not particularly with each other, but the result of their environment. The usual consensus between us is usually summed up to "yeah, this moment is hard for us- but we've been through worse and we'll keep working hard to get to the next stage in life".

That being said, we both have our own issues from before we met each other- but we actively want to better ourselves and are trying to overcome our own flaws while accepting the each other as they are. Communication is hard, conflicting thoughts and emotions between cohabitants is hard, but if it were too easy- there might occur a paranoia of it being fake. The ability to resolve conflict and work together as a team is what will ultimately determine the strength and duration of a relationship. That's not something that's easily learned or often taught... and I would not depend on books alone for such life lessons.

[vhiremath4]

Yeah great advice. We both really tried. We committed to working through things. We saw a couple’s therapist. We went through some pretty intense ups and downs on both our ends ranging from a death of a very close family member of hers to layoffs at my company and many other things. I just found that, ultimately, it still didn’t feel worth it based on how we would communicate and trigger each other even when we tried. And we would just keep going because we wanted to fight for the relationship, despite it continuing to not make a ton of progress.

I guess that’s the “not depending on books alone” part of your comment. It feels like I’ve gained some really important life experience, but I just haven’t fully processed it or been able to make sense of it. Funny enough, I’m making more sense of it with time and with comments like the ones here.

Thank you for your comment!

[binary132]

My wife and I had a long few years towards the beginning that felt familiar while reading this, but eventually we both learned to prioritize peace and patience with one another over whatever nonsense seems so important at the moment. If it’s genuinely important, we are both generally now able to restrain ourselves and listen, or get some space while we calm down if it’s not. Not at all to gloat, only to say it is at least possible. I think the passage of some years also helped.