[meowfly]

I'm middle aged with no kids and a very common question i get is, "who will take care of you when you're old?"

How is that not selfish reasoning?

People throw around a lot of theories on the low birthrate but for me it's simply that having kids is a choice. I have low societal and family pressure, my SO and I have effective birth control, and we decided kids wouldn't make us happier.

Ive also read nothing but anecdotes that indicates people regret either decision. I think we all tend to confirm our own decisions.

It's probably much less cool to say you regret having kids, but I know a recent divorcee who sure acts like her kids are in the way of her dating. I'm also sure there are plenty of people who get older and alone and wish they had their own children. But ultimately it seems like having kids is about deciding you want kids in your life and it's no longer considered the inevitable outcome of a long relationship.

Perhaps my mind will change when my dad dies.

[nashashmi]

There was a guy here on ask hn who regretted not having kids as a decision he made. Now he wishes everyday that death catches him. Not an anecdote.

[toomuchtodo]

Be a foster parent [1]. Adopt [2]. Volunteer with in need kids [3]. Lose yourself in the service of others. Life is short, everyone dies, you must find the meaning with the short spark you've been given. If you're prone to self deletion because a door closed you wish had not, grieve, pick yourself up, and get back on the horse. Also, therapy and cultivate a support system. "Embrace the suck."

[1] https://www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/research-data-technology/statisti...

[2] https://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children/children-in-fo...

[3] https://pudding.cool/2024/03/teenagers/

[nashashmi]

you gotta accept that requires you drive yourself to those activities.

with family, it is the children who will drive you nuts.