[rubicon33]

My strongest recommendation:

Do not make this about the game. When you talk to him be sure to focus entirely on your concerns about their performance in school and how that will impact their future. But never directly call out the game itself.

In all likelihood he KNOWS that he's not meeting your expectations and knows exactly why, and knows that you know. What good is there to tell them that they're playing too many video games?

Instead, suggest that they spend more time on school and even use funding as a consequence. If they fail, they get X chances, before funding is pulled.

Lastly, I would implore you to figure out why they're more interested in wasting time on roblox. In all likelihood they just haven't found their "thing" yet. It's not your job per se to find it for them, but I would try hard to support whatever path they want to take even if it isn't the one you saw for them.

Does that mean you need to let them waste away on roblox? Of course not. But chances are they're spending so much time on that game because they're unhappy in whatever pursuit they're in now.

[CitrusFruits]

I'll chime in and quickly say I played way too much League of Legends for a good decade of my life for some people's taste (sometimes averaging 20-30 hours a week). I'm sure other people will have way outdone me in terms of time commitment, but its still a lot. The thing is, I always got good grades, made a point of being productive, and performed or excelled at my job. Even though from the outside it might have looked like the game was a problem, it really was just a way to fill extra time because I felt like I didn't have other better options to fill that time. All that to say that I agree that the game likely isn't all that important to them, it's more that other things that should feel important don't feel that way either due to the child's lack of perceived consequences or lack of wisdom. But really just my two cents, I'm not going to profess to be an expert or anything.

[theogravity]

Echoing CitrusFruits here. I did the same. Lots of LoL (and still do on the mobile version), but I still did extremely well academically and I continue to succeed in my career. I simply choose to fill my extra time with video games because that's what I like.

I don't think video games itself is necessarily the problem, it seems like the kid may be facing some intense external pressures in life that they need to escape to something; the escape just happens to be a specific video game.

I have a sibling (I'm omitting gender to obscure which sibling it could be) that my parents were extremely overprotective over; they had a lot of problems with just life in general. I had them live with me for around four years and covered as much as I could for them while their job was to just graduate from college.

They couldn't do it, and I ramped down my support for them over time and had them eventually move out. They said it was the best thing I ever did for them because it forced them to face life and they eventually got a job, found a place to live on their own, and also get therapy. They were diagnosed with ADHD. After getting appropriate medication, they were able to complete schooling successfully.

Sometimes you have to let the chicks leave the nest; let them fail and fight. Sometimes medication might be required to live a normal life. There's only so much one can do as a parent or a sibling, but in the end, it's their life and you need to let them live it out.

[D13Fd]

So true. I still play videogames quite a lot, and I have been fortunate to have a successful marriage, family, and carreer (so far). Videogames are my hobby and way to relax. I rarely watch TV, movies, or sports or, honestly, read books. It's mostly video games. That's just what interests me.

[anon22981]

May or may not have found their thing, but excessive gaming can be a coping mechanism which doesn’t necessarily have much to do if they found their ”thing” or not.

Depression, anxiety, etc. can be sort of pushed aside by gaming all day. Did that for years. Finding their ”thing” might help with it, but not finding it isn’t probably the direct cause imo.

[Tarq0n]

Why would the child be responsible for "meeting expectations" they didn't choose to have placed on them? A parent's support should be unconditional.

[throwawayigd]

> A parent's support should be unconditional.

I agree.

It's not "meeting expectations", I look at it as a concern that one can become self-sufficient and do well in life, regardless of the path.

[HenryBemis]

> A parent's support should be unconditional.

Yeah but no but yeah but... (to echo "Little Britain").

Love can be tough sometimes. A child (even when they are 20-30-40) and addicted to heroin, a parent doesn't love them by giving them money to score again. Or if your kid (again is 20-30-40 and alcoholic) you do them no good if you give them beer-money daily.

Love is the intention. The means/medium/manner in which the Love is materialized/expressed is a whole other ballgame.

[throwawayigd]

Thanks.. that's a great suggestion!!

Edit: Missed this part in the suggestion, " If they fail, they get X chances, before funding is pulled."

This is something, at the moment, I don't agree with. But who knows, depending on how things evolve..

[rubicon33]

Yea, I can understand not agreeing with that.

I don't think there's a right or wrong here... I just think that at some point they need to know that you will always love them, will try very hard to support them, but there is a limit to how far you will go.

[FloorEgg]

There are two flaws in this recommendation:

Assumption that time spent playing Roblox at his age is a waste. (None of us know if this is true)

And that there should be conditions on your support and love.

[throwawayigd]

Not sure where the OP mentioned that, but yes, there should be No conditions on the support and love for one's child. It's part of an unwritten contract one sign's into when one decides to have children.

[iteria]

There should be no conditions on your love for your child, but support? Yes actually. You can actually hurt your child in the long run by supporting them too much. My brother was an absolute fuck up who couldn't get his shit together until my parents were like no more. And then magically he knew how to hold a job and support himself. I have countless stories like this. Sometimes not giving your kid the space to fail is hurting them. Fact is that parents don't live forever and when my aunt died my cousins fell into horrible poverty not knowing how to dp anything on their own. They burned through all the money she left them. That's what fate you leave a child you always have to support.

[n4r9]

This is exactly the difference between being "nice" and being "kind". Nice is giving someone what they think they want. Kind is giving them what they actually need. I would frame it as: your parents saying "no more" was a genuine act of support.

[FloorEgg]

You're right, I think I mixed up which comment I was responding to. I stand by my point but will add nuance that I get the sense you already know, that unconditional support doesn't mean unconditional coddling.

Unconditional support doesn't mean protecting your son from failure or consequences in life. It just means you always offer an empathetic ear to help them process their struggles. It may even mean helping the face hard truths, so long as it's being done from a place of love and not disappointment.

I really do get the sense you know this, I'm saying it mostly because others seem to have misunderstood what I meant.

[rpdillon]

My philosophy is that it is my job to support my child's growth into an adult and that my sole responsibility is to prepare them to survive and thrive in the world they're going to live in after they're an adult. I'm not sure this translates into unconditionally handing them money for school.

[gtirloni]

Please for the love of god, do not impose conditions on your support and love.

Everything I ever wanted as a teenager was always on a condition I would get good grades. Not 8 out of 10 but perfect 10's. Even then it was never met with any compliments or recognition. It was my job and I was expected to just do it.

I'll be honest here, I don't speak with my mom anymore and barely with my father. If this isn't the relationship you want to have with your kids in the future, please evaluate the impact your demands and expectations could have on them today.