[silisili]

> I have a strange feeling that some of those are just people too embarassed to say they met online

Probably right. I don't really get the stigma, but I've known a few people personally who told the same lie and found later it was online. One in particular had a huge elaborate story about their bar meeting. His wife told me later one day he basically selected her from a website.

So like most questions, probably worth taking self reporting with a giant dose of salt.

[tenacious_tuna]

Also interesting insofar as what "met online" means. Dating apps are certainly the most common, but one of my partners and I met on a Discord server for a shared interest, which is certainly "online" but not necessarily in the same context as "dating apps"

[littlestymaar]

This. I have a couple of friends who actually met their partner on World of Warcraft in the mid 2000s. But I suspect it's a very small fraction of the “online” group, especially nowadays with dating apps being so prevalent.

[throwaway48540]

I'd expect that the fraction is much bigger, actually. In mid 2000s the couples that met through online games were the "weirdos", "normal" people met online on dating sites. Today gaming is pretty much mainstream and while dating apps are probably a majority, it's now absolutely normal to meet people while playing games.

[mewpmewp2]

Selected... What? Not matched? You are making it seem like she just listed herself for selection on a website and went with it?

[silisili]

She was from a foreign country. I'm guessing whatever the modern day equivalent of a mail order bride? I didn't ask for specifics past that.

[throwaway48540]

Older dating sites were basically lists of profiles and you could send a message to anyone, without "matching".

[anovikov]

In many countries where dating balance (i am not saying gender balance... because it's not really about numbers of guys and girls but about difference in their interest in dating), is not as skewed as in the West, this is still the case. You can actually write anyone, even on a free version of a dating app or website. Girls' feeds get a bit spammy, but not terribly so, it can still work. I know it sounds crazy but that's an upside of life in the Eastern Europe let's say, or ex-Communist bloc.

[Der_Einzige]

Most westerners don’t understand that the modern “phenomenon” of incels is mostly due to shitty 80s movies that connected cerebral people to nerdy stereotypes.

Rewatch wargames and note how insane the kids skills are, and how this acts as something which makes the MC more interesting to the fairer sex. Compare this to today, where busting a command line out in public is more likely to get you arrested by some idiot dogooder thinking you’re hacking the airplane instead of acting as some kind of evidence that you’re intelligent and thus possibly good partner.

Meanwhile go to the third world where life is hard and stereotypical “jocks” or “bullies” are the poor, downtrodden of society. Often these societies love nerds and cerebral people, and physical prowess isn’t valued as much here.

John Hughes is the father of the modern western incel and all related phenomenons.

[dyauspitr]

You question the stigma and then finish your paragraph with “just selected her from a website”.

[silisili]

Explained a possibility in another comment.

When an older, morbidly obese person is with a much more attractive and younger foreign person, you can work out most of the details in your head. Is it not more embarrassing to make up some Top Gun-esque story? I don't know.

I met my first wife in person, second on Facebook(8ish years and going). I feel zero shame in the meeting place, more shame for having married the first. So yes, personally, I don't understand the stigma.