| HN Mirror

> The majority of gen Z people don't feel comfortable asking/being asked out in person because app-based dating is all they've ever known

I didn't really see an indication of that in the article you linked, although it's perhaps plausible. One thing that did stand out to me was the below quote:

> “The divide seems partly generational. In my informal survey process (texting people and bringing up this topic at parties), I found that millennials were more excited about meeting in person. Claire (a pseudonym) said she asked a guy out about a month ago and that it felt “great”. It was a delight to go on a date and not be surprised by what somebody looks like or how it feels to physically be in their presence,” she says. She added that she “will never go back to the apps, no matter how this shakes out”. Christianna, 29, said she’s met the last three people she’s dated in person: one at a house party, another at a concert and another at a queer line dancing event. Several men in their 30s said they barely use the apps and primarily meet people in person."

None of the other things you mention are news to me, unfortunately; anecdotally I do think it's true that many people are lacking in close friends, and for that reason I try my best to be approachable and a friend to a small number of people, but fwiw I'm not Gen Z or in the U.S (Canadian, as negligible as that may be) and don't necessarily feel like the fact people have less close friends compared to some arbitrary historical point necessarily means people have broadly or suddenly become less approachable; I do feel for those who struggle to meet people.

> Even going to meetups or social gatherings rarely leads to lasting relationships for most people. On rare occasion people will be genuinely passionate about a hobby and reach enough repeated interactions through that hobby to form adult friendships with peers, but most often people will be too busy with other things in their life and never progress beyond acquaintance seen a few times a year.

I feel like this can be somewhat true and not true depending on many factors, but generally I do think it's rare that something will lead to long-term interpersonal intimacy, but that embracing that rarity is a good idea rather than not, it means you need to set real time and energy aside to build it up or establish circumstances where eventually you'll hit it off with someone, as an incidental event of you already being somewhere (not being too eager and dropping the hobby when it's either working out or not).

My impression is that in these cases where things haven't worked out longer than a couple months, potential prospects and prospectors are equally likely to not be prepared for what will be required of them in turning a burgeoning friendship into a deeper one, and don't necessarily appreciate the contrast between the effort required back in their hometown or back at their high school, and now out in their new city in their busy life, especially if they struggle to discover with whom they might have chemistry or have little to no ability to carry a conversation (which could very-well be impacted by the earlier Gen Z things you mention). This is a years long project, and it's just pretty hard, because you need to develop trust, have chemistry, be able to navigate and contribute to a conversation, and simultaneously not be too wanting.

Aside from that, imo these struggles are true of previous generations too, but the circumstances were a bit different, such as older millennials, and basically anyone who's bothered to care about expanding their social circle as an adult. Many haven't even given it a passing thought, or they've intentionally isolated themselves in the deep suburbs, or accepted too early that friends just stop being around eventually; any that have left their home town for a different or greater urban area would have had to figure it out at some point, it just might not necessarily have been as common, and they may not have had the same type of horrific manipulation of their attention on a moment-to-moment basis (as you mentioned). None of my older relatives have made new friends as adults on their own that I can think of, they just weren't in a position to need to or accidentally had kids early on and devoted their attention to that. The constraints are a bit different in terms of degree and kind now.